things my students say

time for another round!


Me: We visited Westminster Abby. They have this special place called "Poet's Corner" where all the most famous writes and poets of all time are buried!
ZG: Like Dr. Suess?

IH: "Twinners" is not something a man should ever say.

SC: Mrs. Merkley, your jokes are usually pretty good, but that one was really, really bad.

a couple months ago we read "A Christmas Carol" and were watching the movie.
ZG: Why is Tiny Tim a little boy?
Me: Because.. he's a little boy
ZG: No, in the books hes like 25.
Me: No, he's a little boy.
ZG: Seriously? Why did I think he was a grown man?
CE: His name has the word "tiny" in it!
ZG: I just thought he was a tiny man.

Me: I need a break from 14-year-olds.

KO: I'm flattered that you think I'm so young, but I just turned 15 last week.

AS: I can't stop thinking about the word cappuccino.

AO: Kris told me you were going to yell at me for drawing on the desks. I knew he was lying. Besides, you don't yell. You just get this really scary voice that makes me want to jump off a bridge.

AS: Guatemalan isn't a nationality. It's a church! Idiots!

Me: Don't copy! Geeze. You are just a xerox machine.
CE: What's a xerox machine?
Me: Guess.
CE: It's like a little person and like someone who is mean or like really sneaky.
Me: No, it's a machine.
CE: No it's not. You wouldn't call me a machine. That's weird.

Me: I called you a xerox machine.
CE: But it's not an actual machine.
Me: Why does it have the word machine in it?
CE: To confuse me.
Me: That doesn't make any sense.
CE: But it's not a machine, it's a type of person.
Me: No, it's a machine. Didn't you just ask me what it was? How do you know what it is suddenly?
CE: I think you're just confused on what a xerox machine actually is.

KE: Do you really think you could figure out if I plagarized my whole paper?
Me: If you can find it on google, I can find it on google.
KE: How?!
Me: By.. googling it..
KE: Oh..

KO: You hate us so much.
Me: I don't hate you guys at all!
KO: Really? I would hate us.

My students, as most 14- and 15-year-olds do, suffer from intense cases of  "I-have-no-realistic-expectations-of-what-life-is-like-after-high-school." It makes the once a year career interviews I do with them quite fun. There is a question on the survey they take that says, "Do you have any concerns about your life after high school?" Kids ALWAYS say no. But I liked this guys' answer:

He doesn't think he has any concerns.. but he might have some concerns that he doesn't know he has. It's such a deep and complicated answer. Let's evaluate it for a while. Let's also ponder the thought that our future leaders are in high school right now and most of them have no concerns about life after high school and are going to become professional baseball players, football players, and rodeo stars. They are also all going to college, but say they aren't worried about how to afford it because it will "just happen." Ahhh, the entitled generation. I love them so!

Before we type essays on the computer, I have them fill out this graphic organizer. (It works wonders, as a side-note). But my kids hate writing in any form. One day, it was near the end of the period and one kid had only written a couple words on his whole organizer. I came by and prompted him to work. A few minutes later I saw him feverishly writing. I got all excited, thinking he had some kind of breakthrough. This is what he turned in:

Yup. That says "Thes is gay" over and over again. We had an interesting chat after that one. About his attitude, and his spelling.

Happy almost Friday!!

love.

It's the weekend of love, and I've been thinking a lot about love; what exactly it is, and how my ideas have changed over the years.
Here's my love ramblings.

When I was younger, I was an "I love you" slut.
It's true.
I told all my little boyfriends that I loved them. And I had quite a few.
The first boy I ever told I loved was Ricky Clark in 6th grade.
He was my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, and my first "I love you."
Did I actually love him?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO.
Though I will admit we did have an unusual relationship for 6th grade.
We weren't a weird couple who said we were boyfriend and girlfriend then never spoke and were super awkward.
We were partners on school projects. We hung out at recess. We talked on the phone most nights. He hung out with me and my friends. I hung out with him and his friends. We lived 23 houses apart and used to meet halfway to talk. We talked about getting married after we graduated. (Seriously). It was a fun and cute little first boyfriend. Back then I thought that if you got excited to see someone, it meant you loved them. If you wanted to hang around them for longer than a couple days, you were in love. Seems so silly now. 

I told Tony Knapp I loved him in 7th grade.
I told Steve Harris I loved him in 8th grade.
I told myself I loved Joe Richardson in 9th grade.
I told David Burton I loved him in 10th grade.
At that point, I thought you just said I love to anyone you were dating. (I told you, sluuuttt).

In 11th grade, I fell in love with my best friend.
Actual love.
And I loved him for 3 years. And he loved me back.
In high school, the love was happy and innocent, and though young and immature, it was real. I really loved him.
Though in my first year of college, addiction would take that love and twist it and bend it and distort it and poison it until it broke permanently.
At that point, I thought that loving someone meant staying with them no matter what.
I thought love could fix anything.
That if I could just love him enough, I could heal him. I could end his addiction. I could get my best friend back.
If I kept loving him, his old self would return, and this mean, angry, controlling person would leave.
Through the last 8 months of our relationship, as I tried to love an addicted and abusive man, I learned a big lesson about love.
Love can't work miracles on someone who won't let it.
And sometimes, the most important person you need to love is yourself.
And sometimes, you need to leave.

Over the next little while I dated quite a few boys, but saved the "I love yous" for myself.
I had now seen what love might actually look like, but I had also seen what love could turn into.
And that scared me.
Soon I found myself falling in love with a new best friend, but I lied and told everyone I wasn't.
From what I knew, love burned you and broke you. It hurt you then left you. I didn't want to fall in love again.
It took a year of this sweet, selfless boy, loving me to change me.
I realized that love can work miracles, if you let it.
He made me believe in love again.
He made my first love look like a joke.
His love was honest and pure and steady. And after 3 months of dating and well over a year of being best friends, I finally returned the words.
And we've been loving ever since!!!

In the years that I have loved Nathan, I have learned more and more about what love is for me.
To me, love is being selfless.. as much as you can. Love is feeling around a dark closet for your shoes because you don't want to turn on the light and wake up your wife. Love is making things for dinner that you think are gross, but you know he will love. Love is bringing home frozen yogurt when you know she had a hard day at work. Love is doing the dishes when it's not your turn. Love is back scratches as you fall asleep. Love is having to be strong for the other person when you want to fall apart yourself. Love is both of you falling apart together. Love is watching One Direction music videos with your wife. Love is listening to him explain why The Beatles changed music for the millionth time. Love is buying the fat free ranch dressing. Love is being able to fart in front of each other. Love is being able to laugh together when everything else sucks. Love is the first sight of your first baby on the ultrasound machine. Love is the first kicks you feel, and the last one. Love is holding your sweet baby in the hospital room as your sweet husband holds you, and you know that even though life seems absolutely hopeless at the moment, you have him. And it will all be okay. I've learned more about love, my love for Nathan, my babies, and myself, in the past year than any other time in my life. Trials can rip you apart, but they teach you so much. And they've brought a whole new level to our love.

I love love.
And I love this silly guy for loving me.

no shame.

I feel like I need to defend my obsession with One Direction
And maybe explain it a little more.
And document it. So my kids can know I'm a weirdy.
But fo realz, there are so many haters. HaTeRz. Guys, you gotta understand!

First things first, after I lost Madelyn, I couldn't listen to music.
All my old music made me think of when I was pregnant.
It was hard to get into new music because I was so sad.
If you know how important music is to me, you can see how awful this was.
One Direction's songs are happy and upbeat and I had never heard them before.
They helped me be able to listen to music again
I realize I sound like one of those cray-cray 14-year-olds who says crap like, "One Direction saved my life and they love me, I KNOW IT!!!!"
I don't think they saved my life, but they did make it possible for me to enjoy music again.
So just remember that before you judge this 25-year-old woman for loving a boy band.
Because seriously, I love them.

It's really all Jenna's fault. She made me go see their movie.
I had really only heard their two hits "That's What Makes You Beautiful" and "One Thing"
I likes those songs, but never really thought more about it.
I also knew one of them had dated Taylor Swift.
That's as far as my 1D knowledge went.
As we watched the movie, here's how my thoughts went:

"Woah, they can actually sing!"

"Woah, that ethnic looking one can really sing!"

"I think I have a crush on him."

"They are really funny."

"I love this song."

"I also love this song."

"I think I love every song."

"I wish they were my friends."

"I think they are my friends."

After we left the theatre, I quickly got their first two CDs and I fell in love.
Their third one came out a couple months later, and it is by far their best!

I thought I was done with my boy band phase, but I guess not!

Here's some of the beef people have with One Direction. I shall address the issues.

They're not like the boy bands of Yore

NYSYNC and BSB still rock my world. I love them. But One Direction is nothing like them. They don't dance. They don't wear matching clothes. They don't do photo shoots in overalls or thick, woolen turtlenecks. But it's a different age now, they are a boy band for a new area. They hate dancing, so they don't dance. They don't want to dress alike, so they don't. They go up on stage and just have a lot of fun! I also love that all of them sing in every song. Yes, some of them have better voices than the others, but let's be honest; NSYNC was the JT show with some JC sprinkled on the side. There were always a few weirdies who liked Lance (yes, I'm talking about you, Michelle), but pretty sure no one ever liked Chris and Joey. BSB was the same, except with 3 lead singers instead of 2. I like that they share the wealth in this band. They really all seem to be legitimate BFFs. Their closeness in age probably helps with that too.

They don't write their own music

Au contraire my sweet friends. They write a great deal of their own music. The first album there was not a lot, but they were little teenagers. Now, on their third album, they wrote almost all of the songs. SO THERE. Their music is also getting better. There first two albums are full of fun, upbeat, boy-bandy stuff. Their third album has some of that, but you can tell their taste and writing style is maturing. And I like it.

They're lame.
NO THEY'RE NOT. YOU'RE LAME!

They can't sing.
You shut your sweet mouth! Just check out this acoustic video that I love so much. And that is when they are wee little babies! They are even better now! Or just watch this video I have seen a million times of all of Zayn's best solos. Or just this 20 second video that will blow your mind. (PS. I heart Zayn)

They're douchebags.
They are so sweet to their fans even though their fans can be freaking crazy. Also, my People magazine told me that they were #2 on the list of the most charitable celebrities of 2013.

They are just a group of Justin Biebers.
Sorry, but none of them have ever been arrested or are seen doing drugs or walk around with gigantic pants on or think that they're black. They're nice, British boys. One is even engaged! Now let's take a moment of silence to mourn the Justin Bieber I used to love so much. May he rest in peace.

I consider myself a person with good taste in music, but I am also not a music snob.
I can worship The Beatles and The Killers and Vampire Weekend, and still admit that Hannah Montana made some good records in her day.
I am not trying to say that One Direction are musical Gods.
But they are nice guys who make really good music.
And you should give them a chance.
Because they're my friends.

how to bathe a crazy cat

There is nothing Lady hates more in the world than bath time. But every once in a while, she needs a bath. She had gotten dirty while playing on our balcony so she needed to be bathed, and Nathan decided to use the event as a speech for his public speaking class. He had to give a "how to" speech with visual aides. So we (yep, I sometimes do my husbands home work) made a powerpoint on how to bathe a cat. I will teach you as well..

HOW TO BATHE A CRAZY CAT:

Make sure the bather is wearing something that covers her arms. Also, have your wife do it instead of you.

Get everything ready. Fill the bath up a couple inches with luke-warm water. 

Attempt to put the cat in the bath tub.

If you have a ridiculously strong and insane cat, she will thrash about and scream like a human and somehow always get herself turned around and begin climbing up your body. It will literally be impossible to keep her in the water. She will be visibly upset.

Next you will comfort her as she clings to your neck. You will think that it might be easier to get her into the sink. You will be wrong.

(if you needed further proof that my cat is half human, look at how I'm holding her in the second photo. She loves to be carried around like a baby. I will make my breakfast in the morning just holding her like that while she watches)

She will have a strange ability to arch her back and spin around no matter how hard you shove her into the sink.

You will then resort to holding her down on the counter on top of a towel and bringing hand fulls of water over to wet her and wash her. It will be hard and frustrating. But she will sit still. For some reason.

When you are done with the painstaking process, she will quickly climb up you so fast you don't have a second to think.

Then you will dry her off and she will want to cuddle. Even though she kind of hates you.

Then give her some treats so she can learn to ease her pain with food.

Before and After.

Basically, bathing a cat is the worst.

And she might try to get back at you by leaving you a "treat." Be prepared for that.

my after school visitors

Every day at 3:00, I have some visitors.

The same 3 boys, for the past 2 years.
Sometimes only 1 or 2 come. Some days, they skip.
But the majority of the time, they find their way to my door.
And I love it.

They tell me about hard classes. They tell me about their friends.

They tell about their baseball and soccer teams.

They tell me stupid jokes.

I wonder if they know just how much they mean to me.

Some people think I am insane to do what I do.

I teach middle school resource, and for some reason, only have 2 female students.

I have 17 male students.

I adore all my students, but I feel as if I have a special talent for teaching and dealing with these young boys.

When I get a new student and the teachers tell me something like, "Nothing can be done. He's awful!" I get excited. Because I think something can be done. Something can always be done. I think 15-year-old boys are so misunderstood. After spending 3 years with them, I have realized all they really want is someone to take them seriously. Respect follows quickly when you give it to them first.

They also don't mind if you tell stupid jokes, or happen to think that farts are funny.

When I started my degree, I never thought I'd be here.

I wanted to do severe special ed, not mild/moderate.

I wanted to teach elementary school only, not secondary.

So here I am, a mild/moderate middle school teacher.

It's the last place I'd thought I'd be, and I could not be happier.

It's so funny to me how we think we know what we need, when we really have no idea.

I asked them today why they come to my door after school.

They laughed, and one said it's because they like it in my room. It's a "happy room."

That's all I can really ask for as a teacher; that my kids feel happy in my room.

I don't like thinking about the day when after two years, the visits will stop.

They will move onto 10th grade and onto a new school.

I already get all mushy and sad at just the thought.

But right now, I am so grateful. 

Grateful for my visitors.

Grateful for all my students.

Grateful for the talent that I have to reach them and teach them.

Grateful for their love.

Grateful to have the job I do.

Grateful that Heavenly Father knew these boys needed me, and that I needed them.

One day I'll tell my own sons all about how I raised 17 teenage boys at once, 

and how they taught me to love like a mom well before I ever was one.