I only seem to use this bog to write birth stories anymore.
I guess that's because I keep having kids which mean more birth stories and less time to blog.
But here it is! The last birth story I will write. And definitely the weirdest.
I still sometimes find myself surprised the twins are here.
I have TWINS. WHAT?!
It was also the longest and hardest pregnancy I could have ever imagined.
Crippling morning sickness, exhaustion levels I didn't even know existed, a stroke and ICU stay, multiple hemorrhages and an ER visit, stretching my body beyond what was even remotely comfortable, every joint in body hurting, not being able to sleep, not being able to breathe easily starting at 20 weeks, not being able to stand or walk for more than a minute or two at a time, more swelling than all my previous pregnancies combined, triple the amount of doctor appointments, fears of TTTS, and all while a worldwide pandemic raged on.
Then throw in preterm labor, NICU, and postpartum depression and anxiety out the wazoooo and man.. it's been a ride. Maybe that's why it took me so long to write their story, haha. It's all been a bit traumatic. But they are almost 8 months old now and it's already hard to picture life without them. They are the sweetest, most tender souls. I can't believe how blessed we are to have these perfect boys as the double caboose to our family.
I was 33 weeks along and thinking I would have my c-section at 37 weeks exactly. The idea of just a few more weeks seemed like absolute torture. I woke up every morning ANGRY. I just couldn't do it anymore. We started a countdown with the kids and I tried to just focus on getting things ready for them to come.
About 2 weeks before they were born, I started to lose my mucus plug. Everyone said it wasn't a big deal and it could grow back. About a week before, I lost more of it and it was slightly brown. I told my mom to be on alert, but also told her I am sure nothing was going to happen. But deep down I knew.
On Saturday the 12th, I started feeling what I thought were just Braxton Hicks contractions. We were busy and I didn't pay much attention to them. On Sunday I noticed them again. They weren't painful or anything, but I kinda thought to myself, "What if these are actually real contractions.." I woke up around 4am that next morning to my stomach tightening. I kept trying to play it off, but I couldn't fall back asleep. I laid there and started timing them. I thought "you are having the babies today" and I started to panic a little bit. I finally just got up and went downstairs and started cleaning. When Nathan and the kids woke up I told him what I was feeling. He laughed at me. He literally said, "Kaitlin, you are NOT having the babies today."
I calmed down a bit, and as I started being busy I wasn't noticing the contractions anymore. I got myself ready and headed to one of THREE doctor appointments that week. As I drove, I was replying to a Polo from my friend Jenna. I ended up ranting most of the time about how I was so done being pregnant and I was so miserable and I didn't think I could do this any longer.
I went in for my appointment. When the nurse called me back she said, "Oh wow, you are so swollen!" I wanted to punch her in the face.
As soon as she hooked me up to the machine for a non-stress test, I saw it measure a contraction. A couple minutes later there was another one. And another one. The nurse asked me if I could feel them. I was definitely feeling tightening, but not pain. She called the doctor and he wanted me to head down the hall to be checked out at Labor and Delivery. At this point I knew I was having the babies today, but my head kept talking me out of it. I checked in and met with my doctor and we came up with a plan. They would run a test to see if I was high risk for having the babies in the next 48 hours, and if I wasn't, they'd give me contraction-stopping drugs and send me home. I was definitely in the beginning of labor, but I felt hope that they would probably just stop it.
But before they could even run the test, baby B started having major decels. They were worried. And then A started having them too. They didn't like the contractions. My doctor decided it wasn't worth it to wait and see, she wanted the babies out in the next 45 minutes. Nathan and my mom had already been on alert that things might be happening, but they were not prepared for them to happen so fast. I even had our van with all the carseats in it at the hospital with me! Nathan threw some stuff together as fast as he could and my mom raced over to the house. My dad was out of town. Nathan drove as fast as he could and thankfully got there just a few minutes before I got wheeled back.
I knew all along I would most likely have a c-section because it's the safest delivery for my specific kind of twins. But the babies made it easy that day because they were BOTH breech. I was so calm as I was wheeled back. So calm as I got numbed and as they prepped me. I laid back and was smiling. I closed my eyes and relaxed. I was making jokes with my doctor. I felt so peaceful and so ready for this. I am very thankful for that feeling. I knew I was so close to meeting these boys, and I was ready. 
It all got started quickly and before I knew it, Miles was out! And he was BIG!!!! He was pink and perfect and cried right away. That was so comforting to hear. Brooks took quite a while making his way out. They were literally digging around inside of me. Apparently he was wedged up in my ribs and did not want to make it easy. When they finally got him out, there was clearly a weight difference, which we knew from ultrasounds. But he was still a good size and cried right away too! They brought each one over to meet me for just a second before taking them to the NICU. That was sad. I hated not being able to hold them, but obviously I am glad they were taken to be safe. 
It was weird going back to our room with no baby. Nathan and I just hung out. I couldn't go see them that first night because I couldn't walk, but Nathan visited a couple times and took lots of pictures for me. I also could watch them through the monitors in the NICU which became a lifesaver for me.
It was strange being without them. We were just chilling in this hospital room without babies? And on top of that I was in so much pain. Gosh, c-sections freaking SUCK. I couldn't pee and they kept having to reinsert my catheter. I could barely move without wanting to die. That first night was just so strange. I should probably be thankful I didn't have two babies to feed on top of all the pain, but it was just such a weird experience to have babies and then have them taken from you.
Finally the next morning my epidural was totally worn off and I could walk to see the babies. It was hard to see them in their incubators with so many cords and wires and monitors. I wanted to take them out and run away with them. I wouldn't have gotten far though with all the pain I was in, haha. It was wonderful to hold them and truly meet them. They were SO tiny and SO sweet. I was even able to nurse, but I felt like I was suffocating them, haha. They were so small!!! Especially Brooks. I couldn't believe it. It felt surreal that less than 24 hours earlier I was on my way to my doctor appointment complaining about how I didn't want to be pregnant anymore, and there I was, not pregnant.
I feel like most birth stories end when you leave the hospital, but we left our babies there. So it felt like our journey dragged on for a couple more weeks. Maybe I should have a whole separate post for our NICU journey, but I will just spill it out all here. Honestly, I feel like I am still processing a lot of it. I had a very hard time postpartum. I feel like a lot of that was affected by the NICU. I felt like my own babies didn't even belong to me. They were being held hostage and I was only given access to them when it worked out for the nurses. I was even told NO one visit when I asked to breastfeed them. Nurses stood behind me and watched everything I did. They corrected me as I changed my own babies' diapers. They only wanted us at certain times. Everything was up to them. I also had 3 kids at home who needed me, I was pumping around the clock to make enough milk for 2 babies, and I was recovering from major surgery. Covid made it so our kids couldn't even come and see the babies. It was all just a mess and I am so thankful it lasted less than 2 weeks because I don't think I could handle anything longer. 
The babies were only there for feeding and growing. Never on oxygen or anything like that. It was frustrating to know they really didn't need any hospital equipment and everything they were doing, we could do at home. But I am glad they were taken care of and were healthy. Nathan went every single day to bring the milk and visit them. I went as often as I could but was having a rough physical recovery. There was one night I literally didn't sleep the entire night because I had a gas bubble from surgery stuck in my shoulder blade and one in my sternum and I have never felt pain like that before. There were 2 times we got to leave the big kids with my parents and go visit together, and that was so much fun! It helped recharge my soul and feel connected to them.
We always assumed Miles would come home first because he was so much bigger and was eating almost double what Brooks was, but suddenly Miles started having sleep apnea spells called Bradys. They aren't anything serious, but they won't send a baby home until they have no Bradys for 3 days. So Miles kept getting pushed back. It was so hard to be told your baby will be coming home tomorrow and then find out they had a Brady and have to stay 3 more days minimum. Brooks only every had one, and ended up coming home about 9 days after he was born. He was so small!!!! Barely 4 pounds. The big kids were out of their minds with excitement! It was so fun to have him home, but it felt even worse having Miles at the hospital now. Brooks came home on a Wednesday and we were told Miles would be home that Saturday. I got a call late Friday night that a nurse had been feeding Miles and he kind of choked on his milk and his heart rate went down for a second and they don't really know why it happened but they weren't going to send him home the next day. In fact, they wanted to keep him the 3 days that they do for Bradys. I was DEVASTATED. I cried all night. It was such a tortuous game. We visited him on Saturday and I was just angry. He was so much bigger than Brooks. He was eating great. He was sleeping great. There was no reason for him to be there! 
Sunday was Sadie's 6th birthday. I had told her for days that Miles would be home for her birthday and I was so sad that he wasn't. It was just before lunch when I got a call from the NICU. They told me that they looked at his case and realized there was just no reason to keep him. They also said that the nurse who had been feeding him Friday night when he choked was not even a NICU nurse and they think she was feeding him too fast. THANKS A LOT LADY. But I got over it fast and Nathan raced over and brought him home to us! We didn't tell the kids and surprised them by having both the babies on our bed. It was the best surprise.
After so much, my family was finally together. The world's longest and hardest pregnancy. So much barfing. No sleep. Hip pain like you wouldn't believe. A stroke. An ICU stay. A subchorionic hemorrhage and an middle of the night ER trip. A million doctor appointments. A global pandemic. Preterm labor. Emergency c-section. NICU stay. IT WAS ALL OVER. And so worth it.
