Over the weekend

This weekend was so much fun! You might think I am lame after you find out what we did, but it was awesome.

Friday night we ordered pizza, watched Friends, and put the crib together!!!!

Okay so Nathan put the crib together. But one time I held a piece while he put a screw in.

He also set up the stroller and car seat. This was much easier than the crib.

I spent the night washing and sorting all those clothes we have for the little lady so far. We are big baby nerds. But it was so exciting to get things started in her room!

Saturday carried on in the same fashion. Slept in then ran a billion errands. First stop: The DI.

You guys, the DI is the best place in the world for baby clothes. I have raided it a few times before. Babies only wear their outfits a few times tops before they grow out of them, so the baby clothes at the DI look brand new. Some still have tags on them! And they cost a dollar! Sometimes less. We bought our little girl 30 new outfits for $20. I kid you not. All for newborn to 12 months. She will be so stylish in her DI clothes. I am not even ashamed though. Why go to baby gap and spend $40 on a outfit that I just got for $1? Cheap and ghetto is the way to be!

Then we took our recently discovered left-over wedding gift cards to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and re-did our entire bathroom for free. That's the best feeling in the world! I love gift cards. Now that we have 2 bathrooms, we moved our old stuff into the guest bathroom and now our master bathroom is probably my favorite place in the world! I will post pictures when we finally get the whole apartment done. Which should be soon!

Next stop, Zupas and TCBY. Because, duh.

Last stop was Wallmart for groceries and more furniture. We got new bookshelves for our living room, a book shelf for baby's room, and a stand for Nathan to put his recording equipment on. Then we came home, Nathan built everything while I washed all our new merchandise, decorated the bathrooms, and sorted baby's new clothes! Her dresser is on it's way to us and soon her room will be ready! Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Then I made Nathan hang all our pictures and decorations. After 3 weeks of being in our new place, it's finally feeling like home.

So that was our super fun weekend!

Told you you would think I was lame.

But I don't even care. Because my apartment and nursery are almost all set up and my husband is really cute!

So hurry up May 22nd! We are ready for you!
Also, Nathan made me do a photoshoot with the crib. I will spare you most of the awesome shots.
Also also, our apartment was a mess. Promise it's better now. Kinda.

So hurry up May 22! We are ready for you!

breaking the habit

Every week in my Language Arts class, I put a new quote up on the board and we take the first 10 minutes of every Monday to discuss it, then focus on it the rest of the week. This Aristotle quote (you should have heard how some of my students pronounced his name) is the quote this week. This morning during our discussion, I found it so applicable to my life that we ended up discussing this quote over half the period. My students had great insight, and this is definitely the thought I am taking with me this week as I rearrange some priorities in my life and make some new habits.

I have two major addictions in my life that need to be broken like, yesterday. Facebook and my iPhone. Sadly, the two go hand-in-hand making it even harder. I spend so much time mindlessly scrolling Facebook. It's ridiculous!! I am lucky to not get caught up in the big comparing game that I know is a struggle. I don't get on and compare my life to others. So what am I even doing on there? NOTHING. Like.. seriously. Nothing. Just looking at my newsfeed. And thinking, "Hmm.. I haven't stalked that person in a while." So I go through their pictures. And their profile leads me to someone else. Then I'm liking and commenting and blah, blah, blah. I feel the need to know what is going on in everyone's lives. How lame is that? Why should I care so much? It's just like my terrible celebrity gossip habit that I have luckily tamed in recent months. Why do the details of everyone's lives matter so much? Shouldn't I be focusing on the things that really matter? But there I sit- scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and getting nothing done. It's been especially hard since I got married because Nathan goes to school at night. When he's home, I don't feel the need to be on Facebook. But when he's gone, I get bored and fill my time with mindless stalking instead of doing things that could actually benefit me and my life.

The phone goes right along with that. Guys, smart phones are the most wonderfully horrible invention ever. They can do so much!! They can do too much. Facebook would be an easier habit to break if I didn't carry it around with me all day. But it's not just Facebook when it comes to my phone. I feel the need to constantly be on it if there is ever a down second. Pinterest, Instagram, email, games, text messaging.. I don't consider those addictions but I do them when there's nothing else to do because I seem to constantly need to be entertained. I am always on my phone. And I feel naked and lost without it. It's just sad. I don't want to be so pathetic that as soon as a commercial comes on during a TV show that I have to get out my phone so I'm not "bored." I don't want to be checking Instagram in the elevator so I never speak to any of my neighbors. I don't want to feel the need to run back out to my car in the middle of the work day because I forgot my phone. I am a pathetic ball of patheticness.

I am technology and Facebook addicted. Admitting it is the first step, right? This all just hit home hard the other day when I told Nathan I didn't want out kids to be like my students- technology addicted video-gamers who have to be constantly entertained. See the irony? I did. And it was humbling. My kids will follow my example. If their mom can't go anywhere without her phone and is constantly checking Facebook, they will learn from that.

I don't think all technology and social media is bad. Blogging is a huge stress relief for me and I love that my life is so well documented. Facebook is great for keeping in touch, when done in moderation. Smart phones can be amazing life-savers. Like when you don't know where the nearest Del Taco is. All these things are fantastic inventions. But they need to be used appropriately.

So I started my Facebook once a day rule. Katie Bastian has lovingly decided to join me. It's nice having someone to be accountable to. I started yesterday and it was nice! I checked Facebook before dinner and not once after. Today I haven't checked once. When I get out my phone for some mindless entertainment, I open up my scriptures app and read a few instead of Facebooking or checking my other apps. I am keeping my phone in my desk all day and not checking just to check. Eventually, I'd like to get to the point where I don't check Facebook everyday and I carry my phone with me as a phone, not an entertainment tool. One step at a time :)

Why Work Has Been Making Me Happy Lately..

• The way Cahn (one of my crazy ADHD boys I have taught 2 years in a row now) likes to sing to himself in a southern accent when he works and it actually helps him concentrate.
• The way Kris always smiles no matter what he is talking about.
• The way my sweet, hyperactive, blond twins from last year still visit me and tell me stories in their high-pitched, fast voices. And the fact that even though I am not their teacher this year, I still caught them switching places in their classes. How can no other teacher's tell them apart?!
• Eating lunch with my co-workers.
• My co-workers in general. I am so blessed to be at this school where it feels a lot more like a family than anything else. 
• Having my prep period right before lunch so it feels like I have a really long lunch.
• How excited my students get if I say I need a volunteer to run an errand for me.
• The way CJ always gets in trouble for talking, even though he is usually talking to himself.
• The way Andrew is always confident in the answers he gives, even if they are way off the mark.
• Hearing my kids discuss things like gas prices and hearing how interesting their thoughts on where gas comes from are.
• How if I tell them the baby is making me sick today, they are always very well behaved.
• The fact that I took a sick day last week, and all my coworkers asked how I was feeling when I came back. It's really like a family.
• My carpool of 4 ladies who head out to our endorsement class at BYU every Tuesday night. We may be in way over our heads with this grueling program, but I love our commute together each week.
•  The way my kids think I can't tell when they are eating or texting in class. I usually just make eye contact with them and their cheeks burn up. They think they are so sneaky.
• Quotes like this: "Wow, you are really smart Mrs. Merkley. Way smarter than my mom!"
• After COUNTLESS times of reteaching Chemistry in small groups, seeing it click in their heads and seeing the quiz scored skyrocket.
• Hearing that some of the kids I have this year that I thought hated me with the fire of a thousand suns, nominated me for teacher of the year.
• When I can get my poor, stressed, anxiety-ridden Andru to laugh when he wants to cry about homework instead.
• When they are working on math home work in study skills and ask me if the calculator is correct. 
• When we took our HUGE district essay writing test and I walked around the rows reading their essays over their shoulders and I could see how they are using all the skills and strategies I taught them. I have never been so happy to see transitional phrases! 
• When one of my high-risk kids told me the biggest reason he wouldn't drop out of high school is because he knew it would disappoint me.
• My trouble makers. I have such a soft spot for these guys and this is my second year with them in my class. I love them and the best part is, they love me back. It's been wonderful the past two years with them, watching them grow and learn to trust me. I'll go ahead and toot my own horn, but it's a good feeling to have so much respect from them that when they get into blowups with peers and teachers, or when they run away from school, that I'm one of the only ones they will listen to. I love these guys like my own kids, even if I would have only been 10 when I had them. That's besides the point.
• How helpful some of my boys are. They want to do everything for me. Pass our papers. Pick up papers. Erase the boards. Organize the desks. They are sweethearts. 
• My one, sweet little girl. Yes, one. ONE. I have one female student. The rest are all boys. She is the sweetest and most patient thing in the world. A lot of girls would struggle being the only female in a majority of their classes, but she takes it all in stride and the boys adore her. Although they'd never tell her that.
• The way Christian smiles when he's getting in trouble because he doesn't know how to handle the situation.
• Watching some of my dead-beat kids actually start to care about things. Maybe it's the promise of Spring coming, but something has lit a fire under their butts. And I'm not complaining.
• The way my resource kids and I are kinda like a small and really cool gang. We travel together from class to class and no one messes with my kids when I'm around.

This year has definitely been a challenging one. I thought last year my patience was stretched thin, but I was very wrong as this years it's been stretched an additional 900 million miles. But in the process, my capacity to love has also stretched that far. I have been humbled by these kids and strengthened by these kids and taught many lessons that I was in desperate need to learn. I thought this year was sent to destroy me, but it was in fact sent to make me stronger and prepare me even more to be a mother. I love these kids. I really do. And in all honesty, I couldn't say about all of them a few months ago. (Terrible, right?) I am so glad I can now. I am so glad I get to end the year on such a happy note.

more of my trip home that isn't all emotional

Geeze guys, I didn't just sit around the whole weekend and be emo about my parents moving. I also ate a lot of food and watched murder mystery shows with my parents, okay!!!

I also think it needs to be said that just as much as missing the house I grew up in, I am going to miss Mission Viejo as a whole. Seriously guys, I grew up in paradise. And I loved knowing that when I needed a break from Utah, I could visit paradise for free. Now I will have to get a hotel?! What the heck man. WHAT. THE. HECK.

There are also so many people and places to miss. All of Mission First ward, the greatest ward in the world. All my high school buddies. My neighbor and second mom, Jacqueline. Royal's donuts. I Love Bagels. How about the fact that the beach was just a few minutes away? Gosh, I think Nathan and I will just have to move there. Anyone have millions of dollars to give us?

Anyway. I am super stoked for my parents and super stoked to tour Europe as well. There have been promises made to take me to the Hogwarts castle. Perhaps I'll never come back.

You know how much I love pictures. So here's some pictures from our trip to the beach on my last night. I thought I got a ton of good pictures of my dad and me. Turns out the sun ruined each one. So.. there's that.

Went to the beach. Got pooped on. I think it was the Laguna Beach seagulls way of telling me they are going to miss me. 

That last picture is just to depress me about what my parents are leaving behind for England.

memories from inside

You guys sick of my nostalgic rants about my childhood yet?
Too bad. This is my blog. And they ain't over yet!!!

I was going through old pictures when at home (seriously, these hormones make me so sentimental) and I found a ton of pictures of happy moments in my house. So I am posting them here for my memory's sake. Enjoy if you wish! Seriously guys, it's a lot of pictures. And I went through a super chubby, tomboy stage. It's probably best to avoid it altogether.

 When we first moved there, it was just us 3 girls. We had some good times.

We loved working in the yard with my dad! 

My 9th birthday. One of the MANY giant sleepover birthday parties my mom let me have. So many screaming girls. I have no idea why she let me. Cool story.. I am still good friends with several of these girls.

My best friend and neighbor, Tera. We were inseparable. 

Yes we are wearing Space Jam sweatshirts. This is my cousin Alyssa and I getting ready to go to Portand, OR with our grandparents. We were the favorite grandchildren and always got picked for special trips.

 Making Ffej's hair pretty. His glasses. Oh my gosh I love them.

And then a little baby joined us. And our family was complete!

The fact that I am sharing this picture with you shows you how much I love you.

 This was his first Christmas. He was not even a month old. I remember taking this pictures and thinking my bangs looked really good. They did not.

Here's a slightly better Christmas picture. Check out my butterfly clips! Jealous?

They may have spelled my name wrong.. but this picture represents my soccer days. I loved this sport with all my heart. And then it destroyed my knee. Thanks a lot, soccer.

Tahnee and me caught dancing in my room (before it was orange). This was a regular occurrence  Tahnee and I never spent more than a day apart from 4th grade to 8th grade.

My bright orange and very messy bedroom. And my puppy Dixie.

 Just in case you were doubting my love for Johnny Depp..

More Dixie!! RIP dear, old friend.

Growing up, and probably even more today, I worshipped my older sister. She's the bomb.

Christmas tree pictures. Every. Single. year.

The "pencil game" night. This night was epic. There are also pictures of the now infamous, "Underwear Party." But they will not be posted here. Hahaha

Lord of the Rings Marathons!

My 18th birthday party, right before we all graduated! I had the greatest friends in high school. 

Okay, okay. That's all I will bore you with for now. Just closing this chapter and opening a new one. Exciting and scary. But so fun to look back on the times I had!

the house that built me.

A small few of you already know, but this summer my parents and my little brother will be moving to England. Yep, England. My dad was transferred there with his work. I have know since January and I can tell you it was quite the roller coaster of emotions. It was a personal time for me and my parents and siblings. I won't go into it. But I will say that I am confident that this move is the right decision for my parents at this time. As crazy as it seems, it's where they are supposed to be for the next few years.

One of the hardest things, I knew, would be saying goodbye to my house and my hometown. I knew I would still be seeing my family often, but the house that I grew up in would no longer be my home. The town I loved so much wouldn't be mine either. That has caused a lot more heartache than I can really explain. I have always had terrible separation anxiety and inanimate objects are no exception.

My loving mother offered to fly me home to say goodbye to the house. Luckily, I had a 3 day weekend and jumped on the chance. I flew home without my husband. None of my sisters came either. It kinda felt right in that sense though. We each get our own time to be alone with my parents in the house we were raised in.

So many things happened in that house. That sounds like such a dumb sentence. Of course so many things happened. Things happen in every house. But more importantly, so many things happened in me in that house.

I remember seeing the house for the first time. It was big and brown and kind of ugly (seriously guys, our house was super ugly before we remodeled the entire thing) but I was so excited to be moving to Southern California (alllllllll the way from central California) that it didn't matter. I was young and don't remember too much about that first year, besides the break in. My older sister and I walked in on our house being robbed. I was terrified for years. There were a lot of sleepless nights. Maybe I am still a little bit scared of the garage, which is where they broke in.

My little brother joined our family in that house. I am glad I was old enough to remember that day and that time period so vividly. Waking up to the note on the kitchen table that my parents were at the hospital. Holding him for the first time. Watching him get bigger. We weren't complete until he came. Plus that year, we completely re-did the house and added two bedrooms which meant I had my own room for the first time in my life. So thanks for making our family too big for a 3-bedroom, Cameron!

I will always remember my bright orange bedroom. Why my parents let me paint it that color, I have no idea. But I kept it that way until my parents converted it into my brother's room just a few years ago. My walls were also covered in my Johnny Depp shrine. If you don't know very much about me, you probably don't know that I have worshiped Johnny Depp since I was a little girl and had every inch of my door and closets covered in pictures of him. Hundreds and hundreds of pictures. I loved that bright orange, Johnny Depp covered, squeaky-bedded room. It was my sanctuary through the years.

I had some of the funnest nights of my entire life in that house. TPing. The pen throwing game. The infamous Underwear Party of 2003. Poop flinger. The Zoolander reenactment. Sleepovers.. more sleepovers than I can count. Surprise birthday parties. Broken trampolines. Barbies on the deck. School videos. Choreographed dances. Movie nights. Dance parties. "Hey Jessica, have you seen my shirt?" The "I Want You Back" dance and the sleepover that almost got Jenna banned from my house for eternity. Being pepper sprayed by random boys. Hand-ball. Mutual activities. Firesides. Reunions. Endless sister nights of watching Friends while dad laughed from the stairs and pretended it wasn't funny. Sneaking over my boyfriends when my parents weren't home. (Yes mom, I am admitting it. I will also admit that we were always good kids). Back yard BBQs. Reading Christmas stories in British accents. The FHE where we tied Cameron to a chair and threw balled-up socks at him. Cakeballs. Watching The Soup every Friday night. American Idol parties. All the kids coming home for Holidays when we grew up. Long summer nights watching movies after all-day trips to the beach. Sitting in the backyard watching the sun go down. The list goes on and on.

I got my heart broken a few times in that house. The first when I was the tender age of 11. I remember crying in the bathroom and being too embarrassed to tell my mom but when I walked into the kitchen later, she immediately knew. I cried many nights over dumb fights with my high school boyfriend in that house. I came back to that house the summer after my first year of college and worked my butt off trying to get over him. Two summers ago in the very bed I slept in in high school, I cried my confused heart out as it was torn over my missionary far away, and the new boy trying to work his way in.

I brought Nathan home to that house to meet my family when we were just 19 and several times after. We have so many fond memories of summers and holidays relaxing around that house. We drove straight there after our wedding reception to pack up my stuff for the honeymoon. We ran around the house yelling and celebrating. That house holds so much love in its walls.

Going home to that house always brought relief and peace. It's been a safe haven for me all these years. I love my family more than I could ever express in words. I would rather be with them than with anyone else. We went through hard times together in that house. But the good outweighs the bad by a million. Nothing has ever made me happier than being together with my entire family, just watching America's Funniest Home Videos.

I grew up in that house. I learned who I was. Who I wanted to be and who I did not want to be. I fell in love, got my heart broken, and healed it again. I laughed and cried and watched a lot of episodes of Friends. I love the time I spent in that house. I love the people I spent that time with even more. I am so blessed to have had such a happy home to grow up in. I guess I am not sad about leaving the house. All it is is walls and floors and ceilings. I am sad to leave behind the memories and the love from that house and who I was when I lived there. I am looking forward to a bright future as I build my own home. But I won't even forget the house that built me. Maybe it's more of the loss of my childhood than the loss of the house that's affecting me. It's like I am just now realizing that I am not a little girl anymore and that it's time to grow up. It's a hard reality to swallow, but I am glad I will have the love of those years in that house to help me onto the next stage in my life. I hope I can build a home like that for my little girl to grow up in.

February Book

Okay guys.

I did it.

I finished "Crossed"

Ugh.

That's my overall feeling of this book. I am really sorry if you liked this book, because I am about to trash it. Maybe you could try to convince me otherwise. But.. um.. I hated it. I can't really even write a very eloquent review. I am just going to bullet point. Also.. there WILL be spoilers. So don't read this if you intend to read the book.

• This felt like a filler book. Nothing but a filler. Like she wanted to write 3 books instead of 2 but didn't have much to say so she just filled it with walking and fluff and air and crap.
• Someone remind me again why she chose Ky over Xander? I feel like it's the opposite of Katniss choosing Peeta. Katniss chose the good, sweet, patient, loving, perfect guy over the hot-headed, mysterious, guy. It's flip-flopped here and it feels all wrong. I didn't like her choosing Ky in the first book and I hated it even more in the second. I feel like they really don't even know anything about each other but since their love is forbidden, it's all exciting. But the way she is constantly thinking about Xander, I feel like he is who she should really be with. It's driving me mad.
• What's with the creepy Ky and Indie side affair? Made me dislike him even more.
• Seriously.. did they need to be WALKING for half the book? Just walking to find each other? I feel like that could have encompassed one chapter.
• I didn't like have the book from both of their points of view in which they flipped back and forth so quickly. Maybe I am just slow. But sometimes I would forget who's point of view I was reading from. I didn't feel like the characters had separate voices. They were the same person just narrating a different life. It was confusing. Made the characters feel weak because it didn't seem like two different people.
• I feel like they rushed through the beginning of the story- they could have explained a heck of a lot more about Cassia's current situation, why she was even there, and what had happened in between. Then they drug the whole "walking" part out of 9 years. Then suddenly they found the rising and BAM, the book was done. Rushed beginning and end and terribly long middle. I feel like she wrote this book in 10 seconds.
• I feel like Ky and Cassia being together again should have been so happy and exciting but of course, Ky is all weird and moody and Cassia doesn't know how to talk to him and it wasn't even fun for them to be reunited.
• Why, for the love of all things holy, did Cassia and Ky split up on the way to the rising? They could have easily traveled on foot together. It was a forced dramatic moment. 
• There were a few important details we found out. Like more about Ky's past and the big secret about Xander. But other than that, there was nothing big or important that happened until the end when they finally reached the rising. But even that was incredibly anticlimactic. We still know so little about everything.
• I teach a reading class. We spend a whole unit learning about plot structure. In fact, we use this picture throughout the unit:
  
  
  Now let me tell you, this book didn't follow that. Rising action.. was that when they were walking? Was the climax when Cassia and Ky were reunited? Or when they smashed the tubes in cave? Or when they made it to the rising? None of those seemed exciting. Falling action? Resolution? There wasn't enough time. They spent too much time walking. I really feel like there was no real story told at all. It's funny because I always tell my kids how boring a story would be if it didn't follow the narrative arch. Now I have an example to show them.
• I would have rather had some of the book from Xander's perspective. We could see what was going on back home and hear some of his thought process. And it would have taken us out of that dang canyon for a few minutes. I can't believe the entire book took place in basically the same place.
•  It's nice that we get to see so many of the main characters thoughts, but they never freaking say them outloud and it drives me cray-cray. Say what you are thinking guys!
• I didn't like Ky and Cassia together in the first book, but I still think Condie did a good job of building a feasible relationship between them during that one. Their love was garbage in the second book.
• I felt like she got a lot of comments about how her first book was trying to copy Hunger Games (and The Giver as well) so she tried to make the sequel as un-Hunger Games as possible. But it didn't work. It was just so boring.
• We still know basically nothing about the Society and the history of this world nor anything about the rising. I can't feel very invested in this story because I know nothing of the history or of the future. We don't really even know what the rising is wanting to do! Get rid of The Scoiety? The "Enemy" (which is something they mentioned a million times and never explained)?
• Someone needs to tell Ally Condie that having 3 books in a series doesn't make you cool if one of them isn't actually a book.

Alright, I will stop being mean. I was just very let down. I will read the third one though. Maybe I am setting myself up for more frustration but I have heard the third one is actually good and she writes the "rising" in an interesting way that doesn't copy the Hunger Games, which I was worried about. Basically, if you haven't started the series. Don't do it.