life update

All I do is blog about and post pictures of my baby. Well here's a post that will have ZERO baby pictures!

Oops!!

But really, life is pretty darn great right now. Sadie is so much fun and everything is more fun with her around.

Nathan is a busy guy like always. It's the busy season at his work and his days are nuts. Then he comes home and does school online. He is loving Berklee College of Music. He is learning so much and really enjoying it. It's so awesome having him home instead of being off at campus. He likes doing home work with Sadie on his lap and she loves to join him. He takes lots of breaks to hang out with us. We really love having him at home.

I am still adjusting to this whole stay-at-home-mommy thing. The other day we were talking about how we can't really even remember what life was like before Sadie when Nathan said, "Well, really, not much about our life has changed since she came." I started laughing hysterically. I said, "Maybe not much about your life has changed, but I have a completely different life. Nearly 100%." And it's true. I used to have a career. I used to be a teacher. I used to sleep the whole night. I used to get dressed in the morning. I used to have boobs that didn't fill up with milk every couple hours. I didn't have a tiny human completely dependent on me for literally everything. My life is sooo different. But awesome. I find myself getting bored sometimes when she's sleeping half the day, but I just remind myself how lucky I am and I to enjoy this time before she starts moving and life gets crazy.

We LOVE our new place. It's so cute. We love the location and the fact that we have a yard. We love our landlords. We love our giant kitchen and grown-up refrigerator. We love having a washer and dryer that actually work. We love not worrying about neighbors below us. We love living in a real neighborhood, not an apartment complex. We love having a nursery to decorate. It's just a great place to be. We are finally all unpacked and it feels like home. We are still in the same ward and still loving it. I am in Young Women's and just adore my little ladies.

We are getting out more and more and feeling completely human again. Nothing like having a baby to turn you into a hermit. The weather has been insane. In a good way. I can't believe it's the middle of December and it was in the 60s on Friday!! We got out first snow yesterday, but it had melted by night time. I think winter will finally show it's ugly head here in the next couple weeks.

Lady is still the prettiest and weirdest cat in the world. She is still adjusting to not getting as much attention and having the weird thing around that cries a lot. She also is adjusting to the new place we live. She is having a kinda hard time, but we're hoping she comes out of it. Luckily, she doesn't resent Sadie at all. She just bites our ankles sometimes to let us know she isn't pleased with all the changes.

We are all decorated for Christmas and are SO excited to be spending the last half of this month with both sides of our family. I haven't seen my dad or little brother since July, so I am really happy to see them and introduce them to Sadie! It's gonna be a wonderful month :)

See, I did a whole post with only one baby picture.

Oops!!

"You just look so happy."

I have heard this several times over the past couple months in varying forms. 

People keep bringing up how happy I look.

I know that the past year and a half have been rough, but apparently my face had been showing it. Who knew!

But no matter, apparently now my face is showing how much happier I am than I was a year ago.

I'm okay with that.

I am happy. Really, really, really happy.

I can't help but show it because this life I have no is the one I was desperately praying for last Christmas. 

We had been trying for a baby ever since Maddie died and even the fertility drugs weren't working. We felt hopeless. 

I got my period the day after Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS KAITLIN. YOUR UTERUS IS ONCE AGAIN, EMPTY. SORRY YOUR OVARIES ARE SO LAME.

I was in England with my family and having such a great time, but I couldn't help but feel heavy. I thought I would always have to carry this new darkness around. I hated it.

This Christmas is a complete 180 and I find myself crying multiple times a day just from the sheer joy I feel and thoughts of how low I felt last year.

I'm not kidding guys. I have been happy crying multiple times a day. I'm a basket case.

I won't say everything is perfect because it totally isn't.

I am not gonna be one of those women who pretends that being a mom isn't difficult. It's by far the most difficult thing I have ever done. And I only have one kid!

Being a stay at home mom is hard. Really, really hard. I miss working. A lot. Sometimes I think back to my days of making money and getting out everyday and interacting with adults and laughing with my students and feeling like I was really making a difference and I miss it. I do.

I am lucky these days if I make it outside at all. There have been several days (sometimes in a row..) where I don't even see the sun besides through my window. My face is usually makeup-less and my hair is usually unbrushed. I wear big, baggy sweatshirts and yoga pants and I haven't exercised since my 8th month of pregnancy. Our house still isn't unpacked and I am always tired. I eat like crap and even though I am home all day, dinner is usually never made and the house never seems to be quite clean.

But I have learned that the madness and the missing work is normal and no reason to feel guilty. I have also learned that despite the madness and missing work, I am SO HAPPY. This is what I prayed for. Much longer than a year an a half. I prayed for this since I was a young girl.

I have felt since I was very little that I was going to be a mom. I have worked with children my entire life. I was always the "ring leader" of my younger cousins and I have a natural ability with kids. I was born to raise babies, which has made the fact that I have to wait even harder. But finally having it has been that much more amazing. This is what I prayed for. I remind myself of that every time she wakes me up 3am. Or when I am stuck inside the house with nothing to do for the 4th day in a row. This is what I prayed for. And even when it's hard, it is so, so, so, so happy.

My little family. Lady's face kills me. 

Sadiegrams

We take so many pictures of our baby everyday, I figure I should document them somewhere. So this is the first official Saidegrams post! Where I dump iPhone pictures of my child! I'll probably do one after each month. So here's her month 2 picture dump!

First night in our new place. Snuggles before bed time!

 Her little feet sticking out! I can't handle it

How can she sleep like that?

We went out to Olive Garden and she slept like this the whole time. Amazing.

Cat naps. Hahahaha, get it?

 She raises her hand or hands in her sleep all the time. I love it.

Morning smiles

 Morning screams

Meeting Kourtney!

Chilling with Katie

Thanksgiving!

We had so much fun at Thanksgiving this year! Get ready for a million pictures, just like always.
 We headed up tot the Merkley's in Idaho on Wednesday night. Shawn finally got to meet Sadie! She was giving him all kinds of smiles. I think she liked his beard.

Shawn's baby meeting Nathan's baby! Zoe loved the babies a lot. She would scratch at our bedroom door when Sadie cried.

We hung out Thanksgiving morning and got the food cooking. Then the Robison's joined us on! We are so glad they came! They just had a baby 2 weeks earlier so they are troopers. I was so stoked to meet little Jonas and for all the Robison's to meet Sadie! Two babies in one house sent me into picture overdrive.

Holding Jonas for the first time!! He's so tiny and sweet!

Amanda and Brad meeting Sadie!

I love the face she is giving him

Things got violent pretty quick

We had a delicious meal! Why don't we eat stuffing year round? We really need to eat stuffing year round. Anyway, this is the only picture I got at the dinner table.

We relaxed the rest of the day. We watched some movies and ate some pie. We had a big part up in Amanda and Brad's room before bed.

 

 Heather came out to play and see the babies!

I promise Brad wasn't crying. He just happens to be allergic to cats.

We skyped with Autumn and Greyson!

Friday we met Shawn at work and took him out to lunch! 

Then we literally laid around and did nothing for hours and it was wonderful. We headed outside for the boys to play on the trampoline and play catch and the sunset was gorgeous! We got pizza for dinner and rented Guardians of the Galaxy that night.

Saturday we decided would be set aside for family pictures and, of course, it was the only day where the wind was insane. So family pictures weren't as great as we'd hoped, but I still think we got some good pictures. After just a little while we had to go inside. It was freaking freezing.

Jaden spent all morning talking with Sadie. She thought he was so funny. Then they took a little nap together.

So handsome. Can't stand it.

The Robisons had to leave that night which was sad. They always take my babies away from me!!

Sunday some of us woke up sick which is always a joy. But we all hung out together until it was time for us to take off.

Heather saying goodbye to Sadie

 It was so fun to be with family and to have such a long time to enjoy them! Also, I love stuffing.