late night ramblings

It's dark right now and the light from the computer is blinding my eyes but I cannot sleep and there are so many thoughts bouncing around my mind. What else is new?

I can't help but smile at my sweet husband absolutely passed out laying beside me in bed. He works so hard, he deserves to be sleeping away like a baby. I love that he never snores. Maybe that will change as he gets older, but right now I love it. I love a lot of things about this man. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life. That everything I dreamed of for so long is mine now. I can remember years ago dreaming of who I would marry. In my patriarchal blessing I was promised I could marry "the man of my choice." I often thought about that as I have grown up. For some reason the idea of choosing always seemed weird to me. It makes a lot more sense now.

I don't feel like I have the traditional love story especially for Utah. We met so young. We took a while to come together. We grew up together as boyfriend and girlfriend. We were together for near 5 years before marriage was ever possible. It was hard, no question about it. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Those years tested and stretched us both and finally brought us together in the most beautiful way I could imagine. And it taught me what it meant to choose. As the end of Nathan's mission neared, I found myself doubting everything and wondering if Nathan was really who I should be with or should I open myself to other boys in my life or put myself out there. What if I married the wrong guy. I worried and stressed and then the line from my blessing came to my mind. Choose. I get to choose. And so I chose Nathan and peace was immediately brought to my mind. It was Nathan. It always had been. And I chose him. I was not destined for one man like some Disney fairytale. I was not forced into marriage by mistakes or circumstance. I chose Nathan. And he chose me back. I cannot believe how lucky I am somedays.

This blog post is just my late-night, sentimental ramblings but I feel like those need to be documented too. Life is no fairytale, but it's beautiful in it's own, special, sublime way. Most of it stems from the handsome, sleeping face lying right next to me. He is completely and irrevocably the love of my life.