"Leaving Education"

The other day I was filling out my letter of resignation for my job. (They like their resignations early, haha). It's nothing intense, just basic information and letting them know when and why I am leaving. It was simple enough to do, and then I got to this part:

I stared at it forever because I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to check. I figured it would just be "other" and I could fill in that I was having a baby, but then it hit me: the box I was supposed to check was "leaving education." I am leaving education. I am not going to be a teacher anymore. At least not in the professional sense. For some reason, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I sat at my desk and cried.

I have been so excited to have this baby that the fact that I am leaving education for who knows how long hadn't really hit me until that moment. Being a special ed teacher has been my dream since I was in 8th grade and I first worked at the Special Olympics. I worked hard for my education and I enjoyed every second of it. I taught preschool to put myself through college so I have literally been in "education" since I was 20 and it's so hard to imagine anything else.

When I was growing up, I didn't really imagine myself as a career woman but because the way my life went, I kind of fell into a very successful and rewarding career without really trying to. I loved it and thrived in it. Even with the trials of the present school year (and all the other years), I have always loved what I do. I have always felt successful and proud of what I do. It's been so fulfilling in a way I didn't imagine. I have met so many people who have changed my life and will be my friends forever. I have meet so many students who have love me, stretched me thin, worn down my patience, made me laugh, completed me, and taught me more than I could ever teach them. Teaching taught me who I am.

*DISCLAIMER* Leaving is going to be hard. But I don't want to me one of those downer women who thinks that being a stay-at-home mom won't fulfill me, because I know it will. I have never been so excited or thankful for something in my whole life. So please, no comments about how wonderful being at home with the babies is and how I should be grateful for it. I realize that. But I feel the need to pay homage to the wonderful years I have spent working as a teacher.

I think being a special ed teacher prepared me more for motherhood than anything else ever could have. I learned true patience. I learned how to go with the flow when the plans don't work. (Which they almost never do). I learned how to love unconditionally. I learned how to give when I didn't think I could give more. I learned how to gain respect from children. I learned how to break through walls. I learned how much parents affect the child's overall success in life. We mold them before anyone or anything else ever does. I learned how to collaborate and work with others. I learned how to really force myself out of my comfort zone. I learned how to love the unlovable. I learned how to smile when I have a 103 fever and want to die. I learned that all children really want in this life is to be loved and listened to. I learned that teaching them to be good human beings is more important than anything from a text book.

I know that my teaching will not stop here. In fact, I know that the most important teaching I will ever do will be in my own home over the course of the next several years. But I don't think I would feel ready for this task without the lessons I learned being up in front of my classroom. They are some of my fondest memories, and it's because of those years that I feel ready to be the best mom I can be.

So while I may officially be "leaving education" in the formal sense in a few months, I know it won't ever really leave me. I am so thankful I had these years to teach and grow and learn. And even more grateful for the great teaching adventure ahead of me.