It feels weeeiirdd to be back on here. I haven't blogged in well over a year. But I've blogged all my baby's stories, and right now Mia is my favorite child (her poop doesn't smell as bad as Jack's and she doesn't sass me like Sadie), so her story needs to be written.
It would be wrong to start out the story of Mia with anything other than this: THIS PREGNANCY WAS THE LONGEST AND HARDEST EFFIN PREGNANCY EVER.
Thanks a lot, Mia.
We toyed with the idea of adding a third baby all summer. It was the worst timing. We had just moved. Nathan didn't have a steady job. We didn't have a big support system out here. We didn't have a ton of money, or a set plan for the next year of our lives. My cycles were still recovering from Jack and were anywhere from 40-50 days long. But it nagged at me. A LOT.
One night we were at the park and discussing what we wanted to do. Nathan (who has a lot more faith than me) was all in and wanted to start trying right away. After a long talk, I decided we could stop preventing. In the back of my head I was thinking about how it was only day 28 of my cycle. I still had weeks to back out or change my mind.
I started my period the next day.
My first normal-length cycle since having Jack.
It was kinda the sign or "push" that I needed.
Plus, maybe it would take a while to get pregnant the way it did with Sadie, especially if we just casually tried.
I got pregnant that month.
What followed was a long 9 months. Morning sickness came almost immediately. Exhaustion hit too. I was still teaching early mornings and late nights, plus raising 2 toddlers. I was a mess. I laid in bed almost all day while my kids watched TV and Nathan picked up the slack. I also immediately began stressing about money, and who was going to watch the kids when I hit 28 weeks and started having 2-4 appointments a week that the kids couldn't come to. The morning sickness eased up around Christmas, but never really went away the whole 9 months. Later months added lots of heartburn, back pain, hip pain, and lightening crotch. And then, of course, the normal anxiety and panic and fear that comes from losing a baby. Losing a baby that was due 3 days before this new baby was due.
I'm not lying when I say it was some of the hardest months of my life. All due to huge life changes, pregnancy pain, anxiety, and big stresses about jobs and money, but I can say now that she's here, it was all worth it.
I had my induction set for May 21st. Counting down to that date was excruciating. But I was also really nervous. I had gone into labor on my own with Jack, so I didn't need pitocin. Pitocin and VBACs aren't a great mix, and I knew this time my body was not near labor, so I would need it. I spent a lot of time googling things I shouldn't. This would also be my first time at a new hospital. I delivered 3 babies at LDS hospital with the same doctor and SAME anesthesiologist. I knew that hospital and the way it ran so well. I knew where the free diet coke and snacks were on the recovery floor. What if I couldn't find the free diet coke and snacks at my new hospital? WHAT IF THERE WAS NO FREE DIET COKE AND SNACKS?! (Spoiler alert: there wasn't) And maybe I am a little biased, but there was always something nice about being surrounded by nurses and doctors who were likely LDS, or at least knew what that meant. Mission Hospital is giant and fancy and not filled with garment-wearing nurses who already have 3 kids off their own and just want to give you a hug. It was intimidating. Not to mention we realized the night before my induction we didn't even know what building labor and delivery was in. Fourth child problems.
That was a lot of background info before even getting into the bloody stuff. Time for some blood.
We got to the hospital at what felt like the crack of dawn but really was 7am. We stopped for McDonald's first, of course. It was so weird saying goodbye to our sleeping kids and knowing we'd be bringing home their sister.
We got all set up and I learned I would be having 2 nurses. One who was brannnnd new, and one who was helping train her. This was not a super fun situation and my vagina paid for it later. We also learned my doctor literally sent no instructions with my induction order. So we ended up waiting an hour for her to call and give instructions. Woooo! If I was dilated enough, they would start pitocin. If I wasn't, they would give me a cervical softener for at least FIVE HOURS and then start the pitocin. That made me want to cry a little. My trainee nurse checked me, and declared me a 1, and I was really sad. But don't worry, trainer nurse checked me, and I was actually almost a 4. I started getting nervous about trainee nurse, but it meant we could get on pit right away! I will also add that all my cervical checks were like this; meaning I had to be checked TWICE every time, once by someone who didn't really know what they were doing. Sometimes the trainer nurse would have the trainee nurse check me another time for practice. Needless to say, I was already insanely sore down there before I even pushed a human out.
Pitocin started my contractions, but they were super inconsistent. It wasn't helped by the fact that they kept having trouble monitoring my contractions with the little monitors and half my contractions weren't even being tracked. My doctor came around noon and the angel broke my water! With every baby, this is always what gets things going. And things definitely got going. My contractions were coming fast and hard, so I got the blessed epidural. Ohhh it was amazing. They rolled me over and propped one of my legs up and it was actually super comfortable and I fell asleep. They switched me back and forth from my right to left sides and I kept progressing. I was pretty relaxed at this point and we just kinda hung out for a bit. Around 4 I started feeling lots of pressure with each contraction. They checked me (yes.. BOTH of them) and I was ready! They also told me she had a lot of hair, haha.
They told me to do a couple "practice pushes" before they called the doctor, which I told them I probably didn't need to do. This wasn't my first rodeo. This was my 4th kid, and I could tell she was right there. But they had me do one push and I was immediately crowning, so they told me to stop, haha. My doctor was there super fast and everything was all set up. I pushed through 3 more contractions, about 5 or 6 pushes, and she popped right out. I had a really good view and could see the doctor pulling her out. The first thing I saw was the dark hair and I laughed out loud! Since finding out this baby was a girl, I pictured a baby with more olive toned skin and black hair. This makes no sense considering Nathan and I are pasty and light-haired, and so are both our kids. (Sadie was so pasty at birth they called the NICU doctor to examine her because they thought she was sick. Nope, just pasty.) But there she was! The dark, olive-skinned baby I had imagined! It was perfect.
They laid her on me and I just felt the biggest rush of love and relief. She was here. After all the sickness and sleepless nights and stress and fear, she was here. She was safe and beautiful and healthy. My uterus didn't rupture. Her heart didn't stop beating. I didn't murder my husband in a hormonal rage for breathing too loudly. I finally had that late-May baby girl that I wanted since I lost Madelyn. She came just 7 hours before Madelyn's due date too. This pregnancy was hard for a lot of reasons, but it was healing in so many ways too. SHE WAS HERE. I felt like I could take a deep breath for the first time in 9 months.
They left us alone for golden hour and we soaked that all up. She was perfect. So much bigger than our other babies, and already had a calm demeanor. Even her little cry was cute. She nursed like a champ right away, and we couldn't get over her hair.
The nursery came to check her. She weighed 7lbs14oz, and was 20.5 inches long! She was perfect and healthy!
She had a great first night, and got to meet her new bffs the next morning. We got to bolt out of the hospital that afternoon and we are just living in newborn heaven over here. She is BY FAR my easiest newborn. She's just so sweet and content and perfect. Sadie has been obsessed from the get-go, and every day Jack warms up more and more and gets so excited to see her. We love you, Mia Grace. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing sending you to us at an inconvenient time. We were waiting for you, and we didn't even know it.
Mia Grace Merkley
Past birth stories
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