man check in

I blog a lot about myself.

Let's check in with this guy.

• That is his face. Eating soup.
• He recently got a promotion at work. His raise just kicked in last week. Not only is he getting paid more but he is officially on salary which is awesssomme! Plus his commission rate went up 3 percent and he has bigger incentives for meeting sales goals. I am so proud of him!
• He started up another semester this week. He works 8-5 every day and then goes right to school at night. I don't know how he does it. 
• He's in more business and accounting and political classes again this semester. They sound so dang boring to me but he loves them. I wanna fall asleep just when he describes what they learned.
• He keeps trying to get me to watch Portlandia but it scares me.
• He set up his new keyboard with the stand and speakers he got for Christmas. He put his guitar in the same corner and I think he feels really cool because it's like his own music studio. Except it's really just the corner next to the couch. But don't tell him I said that.
• He's got some big presentation to give at some big law firm down town next week. (See how well I listen). He is super excited and even missing a class to give the presentation. Nathan never misses class, so I know it's a big deal.
• He has really nice clothes. Homeboy can dress himself and he enjoys dressing up all "businessy." I enjoy it too.
• He's sad because he got to grow his beard out over Christmas and he has to shave it for school again. Dang rules. I like his scruff.
• He still makes me a lunch every morning and scratches my back every night. Just had to throw that in there.
• Whenever he turns on the TV, he always go to the Spanish stations. He tells me he's, "just checking in."
• He is super excited to be a dad and so anxious to feel her kick! Anytime I feel a movement he runs over and pushes so hard on my stomach like he is reaching for her.
• He might not be very excited about my habit of buying baby clothes any time I leave the house.
• He thinks I use too much milk in my cereal. I like milk.
• He is doing a reading for one of his classes right now. I told him I was blogging about him and asked if he wanted to add anything. He stared at me for a long time and said, "Um.. I have to read this." And then went back to reading.
• This is his face. A long time ago.

little bit o' honesty

I'm gonna get real here. Because this is my blog. I like to document my life even when it's boring. Plus, if I type too many words, you probably won't read it anyway.

Work has been hard this year. HARD. Obviously I have a hard job. Not only am I a teacher, but I am a Resource teacher. At a middle school. (Why did I do this to myself)? I knew from the beginning I had a hard job. It was hard last year, but in different ways. I had hyper-active, crazy students who I loved and who responded to me and who respected me. They struggled in school work, but they tried. On the days when they didn't try, they felt bad. On the days when they didn't take their medication and they were bouncing off the walls, driving me insane, they apologized to me. I still have the sweetest apology note up on my refrigerator from one of my ADHD boys. The year stretched me thin, but I felt so much joy in what I did. I loved what I did. I cried on the last day of school. True story.

This year I could tell was going to be different from the very first week. My students are wonderful kids and I love them, but there is a whole different attitude about them. The teachers who had them last year warned me about them, but I figured it was no big deal. It is a big deal.

I have them same 20ish students all day in different classes. Not all, but I would say 85% of these kids do not care about much, if anything. They are not motivated by anything. Grades, candy, phone calls home, detention.. nothing. I have seen absolutely no effort in school work or in life in general. Kids sleeping through every single class no matter how many times they are asked to wake up. Kids who turn in blank work sheets when I went through and gave them every answer. Students who have 1 month to write a one-page Halloween story (all in class-no home work) and only THREE from the entire class turn it in. Students who are failing all their classes and they don't care. Students whose eyes glaze over in class and I know that the lesson I spent hours planning is falling on deaf ears; because no one is listening. Students who are disrespectful to each other and to adults. Students who are unapologetic for their behavior. Students who argue with me in front of the whole class. Student who try to intimidate me by using their height to tower over me- seriously. Students who are absent twice a week. Some who have missed 30 days of school this year. Students who have not turned in a SINGLE piece of work in some of their classes the entire year. Not one piece of work. Students who are constantly being suspended for tardies or bullying. Students who tell me they are smarter than me and don't need to do the work- and they aren't joking. Students who complain about everything. "Hey guys you only need to take 3 notes on the movie we are watching today." I think I am being nice. 45 minute move- 3 notes. Seems super easy, right? But I am met by an uproar. Not kidding, and uproar. Kids yelling and freaking out about how "unfair" this is. You guys, sometimes I am seriously shocked speechless at the things they do and say. I have spent many days after school crying out of sheer frustration not knowing what to do. They aren't learning. They don't want to. They won't let me be their teacher. Sometimes I will teach an entire lesson and ask one simple comprehension question that no one can answer. Not because they have disabilities (which of course they do but they are not severe, just learning disabilities), but because they weren't listening. And they tell me that. "We weren't listening." or my favorite, "We don't care." Each day at work I feel like I am working way overtime yet doing absolutely nothing and making no difference.

I co-teach with 3 teachers and they are feeling the same exact thing about this group of my kids. One man, who has taught for 30 years, says he has never had kids like this. He says you might have 1 or 2 a school year, but not 20. It was just some magical happenstance that they all fell together, right in my lap this year.

I'd hoped Christmas break would give me some time to recharge, but last week back at work was a nightmare and I ended up taking a personal day on Friday. I was also crying Monday night about how I didn't want to go back to work. My sweet husband offered to give me a blessing. I won't go into details because it's sacred to me, but it has really helped clear my eyes and the cloud in my heart.

I'd hoped the blessing would magically make my students different or magically make me able to handle it all. It didn't. That's not how it works, of course. But it did give me the most amazing sense of peace and inspiration on how to turn this school year around. I won't be able to "fix" my kids. But I can fix my attitude. I can change they way I am doing certain things. I can bring the spirit into my class. I felt recharged this morning with a list of things I was going to work on and change. Maybe I already had one student argue with me when I told him he'd already used all his bathroom passes. Maybe he yelled at me then sat and refused to work the rest of the period. But that's okay. It doesn't need to ruin everything and it doesn't mean I still can't reach him somehow.

The blessing made me realize a lot of the negativity of the school year was coming from me. Just because the students have been hard, doesn't mean I have to be miserable. Maybe if they saw more effort from me, they would put in a little more too. Sunday night was a humbling experience, but amazing. I can already see small bits of hope. Like the student who asked to come to my class for intervention today so he could get ahead in the novel we are reading because he has to miss school tomorrow and wants to know what happens. My jaw almost hit the floor. But I am incredibly thankful.

I am thankful for a sweet husband who holds the Priesthood and is so willing to help me when I need it. I am thankful for the opportunity to realize my weaknesses and realize how to make them strengths. I know the next 5 months won't be a cake walk, but I feel happy to know that I have what it takes to at least survive it in one piece and maybe even help a few kids along the way.

Seriousness over.
Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

Heyyyyy sexy lady

Hey.
Remember when I told you I was in the teacher talent show and we did the Gangnam Style song?
Well, here's a video of it!
I come in about halfway through. The song was supposed to start with two teachers dancing and then the rest of us were supposed to come running up like a flash mob. But more and more teachers decided they wanted to be in the beginning so it doesn't really look like a flash mob, haha. But it was awesome. I have never heard kids screaming so loud. They are still talking about it. Apparently seeing your teachers dance like idiots is pretty cool. Clearly, none of us are professional dancers, but it was so much fun!
Anyways, I come in half way through in the pink sweater on the left! Merry late Christmas!

a successful saturday

This is basically what our day looked like. Don't mind how gorgeous I am.

We have both been on the verge of getting sick all week and today it finally hit. We decided to save our energy and lay in bed basically all day. We popped in a season of Friends and just relaxed. Even though my throat was on fire, it was a really fun day. After two weeks of family madness (I love you family), it was nice to just be alone with my husband. We talked about how in a few short months, it won't be just the two of us anymore. While we are super stoked for that, I will miss days like this. Simple, easy days with no responsibility and no cares. Just me and my Nathan. He's pretty much my favorite.

Ps. Maybe we had ice cream and cookies for dinner. That helps your body fight illness, right?

The Last Christmas Post

Promise I am almost done bombarding you with pictures and Christmas updates.
I just really like pictures.
And my family.
And the Holidays.

After Christmas day the trip mellowed out and we did a lot of relaxing and movie watching and eating out. Pretty much Heaven. On New Years Eve my older sister and I decided to throw a giant December birthday bash/New Year's party. My nephew Carson was born on the 8th. Nathan on the 17th. My mom on the 30th. My niece, Ava, on the 31st. A lot of birthdays thrown into the holidays so we smooshed them all together. Although this was mostly Ava's party because it was actually her birthday, she's the cutest, and she's the only one who really cared about having a party haha. It was so fun to see how excited she was even though she felt sick. She is at such a fun age!! We had pulled pork for dinner and I made a double-batch of cake balls for dessert. Mmm.. cake balls.

After the party, we watched a movie to get us closer to midnight and then played games! We did some hilarious minute-to-win-it games. I don't even remember who won. But it was awesome. Then we played a board game called "Awkward Family Photos." It's like Apples to Apples meets the world of memes. We were laughing really hard. There were several mentions of pooping and butts.

We counted down, toasted, kissed, and lit some sparklers. Then we promptly all passed out. Because we're old people. The next morning we got right on the road back to Utah. It was sad to see snow and single-digit temperatures. But it was a wonderful break!

Things I'm looking forward to in 2013

Meeting my baby girl!
Finishing my second year of teaching.
Nathan graduating from LDSBC.
The Great Gatsby movie.
Warm weather again.
Getting back into shape. (I miss walking up a flight of stairs without wanting to die).
Our 1 year anniversary!
Turning 25.
Catching Fire.
Moving out of down town.
Um.. Having a baby!!

Happy 2013. Our first day was spent entirely in a car and then we were welcome back to Utah with a foot of snow on our car. But I'm warm in bed with my sweet husband now and I think this year if off to a pretty good start. Even if I do have to go back to work tomorrow.

2012 in review

2012 has been the greatest year of my life to date.

Now don't think I am trying to brag here, because I have had my fair share of sucky years.
(2007 and 2010 anyone?? Let's not even go there).
But this year was just incredible. I have been so blessed.

I seriously can't imagine beating it, but we will definitely try with 2013.

In January...

+ We rang in the New year by getting engaged just after midnight. Most amazing way to start 2012.

+ Nathan started work and school full time. Nothing like jumping right in after your mission!

+ We tried to enjoy life trapped indoors. Gotta love winer.

In February...

+ We had our one and only engaged Valentine's Day where Nathan surprised me by bringing roses to my 6th period class. My students still talk about that.

+ We took our engagements.

This is not the one we chose..

+ We celebrated Papa Merkley's retirement with a huge surprise party in Logandale!

In March..

+ I had TWO awesome bridal showers.

 + We took a quick trip home to CA so I could receive my endowment.

+ We started slowly moving all our stuff into our new place and started to get pretty freaking excited.

In April..

+WE GOT MARRIED FOR TIME AND ALL ETERNITY IN THE NEW PORT BEACH TEMPLE!

I don't really care about anything else that happened this month.

In May..

+ I turned 24

+ We took advantage of the newfound sunshine and started hiking.

+ We took my 8th graders to Lagoon for an entire day and didn't loose a single kid!

+We took a trip to Idaho to visit the Merkley's new house!

In June..

+ I finished my first year of teaching!

+ We went on the most fantastical, week-long Honeymoon to Mexico and I wish I was back there every day.

+ I got bored and dyed my hair brown.

+We had a family reunion with the Terry side where we may have dressed up like dogs and where Shawn may have ended up in a wheel chair.

+ Nathan took the summer of school to just work and I tried to get used to summer life where I had nothing to do all day.

In July..

+ We had lots of outdoor adventures with our free time. Like picnics, hikes, and jeeping in the mountains.

+ We spent the fourth of July with the Robison's in Cedar City.

+ We took another trip to Idaho for Shawn's birthday.

+ Bought our NikonD 5000

+ I cut THIRTEEN inches off my hair and went back to blond.

In August..

+We headed back to California for my baby sister's wedding!

+ We tried to soak up the remaining bits of summer.

+ I started teaching again!

+ The Klein's moved to Provo and we played every weekend.

In September..

+ Nathan started school again and we watched our free time slip away!

+ We took a weekend trip to Park City.

+ We took a few more hikes.

+ We got into the Imagine Dragons show for free because the LEAD SINGER let us in!

+WE FOUND OUT WE WERE PREGNANT!!!

In October..

+ We had Conference Weekend with the Klein's and Nathan had his first mission reunion.

+ We carved pumpkins and had our first married Halloween.

+ We closely followed the campaign and Presidental Debates which were the cause of much stress in our household. 

+ We spent a weekend in Idaho to see some dear friends get married.

+We finally got to see our baby and announced it!

In November..

+ We decorated for Christmas the very first weekend.

+ We spent Thanksgiving with the whole Merkley family in Idaho!

+ We went to the Killer's show!

+ We heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time! 

In December..

+ We found out we were having a GIRL!!!

+ Nathan got a big promotion at work.

+Nathan turned 25!

+ We celebrated Christmas and rang in the New Year with my family in California.

Happy 2013 Sportfans!