1 week left

I want to be better at recording how I am feeling these precious few days leading up to my wedding, but I just never know what to say! I am a lot calmer than I thought I would be. But I was the same way right before Nathan came home from his mission. The craziness didn't set in until I was on my way to see him. I am thinking that drive to the temple might be an interesting one.

I am not nervous. Not at all. I have never been more sure of a decision in my life. Whenever I think about marrying Nathan I get a peaceful, calm, and happy feeling. I'd prefer that to an overly anxious freakout feeling any day. Although there are some nights I lay awake thinking about our future together and I get so giddy I can't fall asleep. I don't mind though.

I think this all stems from the fact that I feel like I've been married to Nathan for a long time. Obviously we don't get all them marriage perks, but committment wise, Nathan and I have been married for years. over 4 years together will do that to you. We've shared money, we've planned for the future, we've taken care of each other, we've spent tons of time with both sides of the family and we've been doing it all since we were 19. When Nathan was on his mission, my mom used to tell people I was married but my husband was on a business trip. Sometimes that's how it felt. I've called his siblings my brothers and sisters for years. We sacrificed a lot at a young age. But we also found what a lot of people have to wait a lot longer for. We've always known this day was coming, so it's no surprise that it's here. But at the same time, it is surprising to finally be at this point. Make sense? Yeah, not to me either.

But I'll take it. The wedding has smoothly molded into place. (No thanks to me at all. I'd die without my mom and older sister). The only things left on our to do list are to move me into the apartment, pack for California, pick up my dress, and get our marriage license. Everything else is done. Seems surreal and seems right. Strange and wonderful mix of emotions.

Who knew that walking into that Haagen Dazs 5 years ago would change my life. Who knew that I would meet my husband at 18, but have to wait to marry him until I was almost 24. It's been a long road leading to this point, but everything about it feels perfect. 1 more week. I could not be happier.

my hungry thoughts

I may have offended several people when I told them I was disappointed with the Hunger Games movie. So I decided to explain myself further. Was I a bit disappointed leaving the theatre? Yes, but there was plenty I loved. I am just not one of those people who will say I loved a movie just because I am supposed to.

What I loved

• Josh Hutherson. I was really worried, but I loved him! Do I wish he was a teeny bit taller? Yes, but he played Peeta perfectly and he's swooning eyes made up for it.
• Jennifer Lawrence. She was bomb as Katniss. The end.
• Cesear Flickerman. Oh my gosh he was the best thing of my life. Seriously hilarious.
• The way we got to see behind the scenes stuff that was happening with the gamemakers and President Snow.
• District 12, the Capitol, the arena.. it was all how I pictured it in my head.
• Effie was hilarious.
• The movie really was perfectly cast. Wonderful acting. Everyone was spot on.
• Seeing Haymitch behind the scenes. Seeing him win sponsors and his concern and love for Katniss.
• The "braid stroke." Some called it a dumb thing to do as you are about to commit suicide. I thought it was precious and perfect. Plus, did you know it was improvised? I died.
• I cried like a baby when Rue died.
• Even in their few short scenes together, I could really feel the friendship and ease between Katniss and Gale.
• Seneca Crane's beard.
• The chemistry between Josh and Jennifer. They were perfect. I was scared it was gonna be awkward.

What I didn't love

• The way Rue died. It almost seemed like Katniss could have saved her. In the books she finds Rue too late. In the movie it happens while she is there.
• The cave scene was wayyyy too short.
• The final battle with Cato was wayyyy too short.
• The berries scene was wayyyy too short.
• Let's face it, the movie was too short. I would have sat in that theatre for another 2 hours. It felt very rushed.
• Haymitch was a little too soft. One of the things I love is the love/hate relationship he and Katniss have.
• Cinna was a little too creepy/kissy for me.
• Only ONE kiss?!?! I was creepily craving more kisses.
• Cato at the end being all weird and stuff. What was that? What was he even talking about?
• The mutt thing happened all wrong. Just sayin.
• The costumes on fire.. kinda.. looked.. super gay.
• They changed a lot of tiny things that didn't need to be changed. Like Katniss whispering Peeta's name after the rule change instead of yelling it. I felt like that kinda ruined the moment.

I've gotta say I think my favorite part is all the Hunger Games memes now infecting the inter-webs. Particularly the Peeta ones. I will share just share my current favorite. Cos if I shared all the ones I've found, we could be here for a while.

Hahahahahaha oh Peeta! I love your buns.

Hey guys!

Guys!

All our furniture has officially come and has officially been set up. 

I still can't believe it's happening. 10 days. 10 days and we will be married! No more saying goodnight and driving back to Holladay. I have started to move over some of my stuff and we have decorated a little bit. I am so freaking excited I cannot even begin to explain it. I get to spend forever with my very best friend. TEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!

The happier bits of the weekend

So NyQuil hangovers aside, this was a great weekend! On Friday, Bree and Jessi threw me and AMAZING bridal shower! Now thanks to freaking Utah construction, it took me 3 hours to get to Provo from Salt Lake. About 2 hours into my commute I notified all my Salt Lake friends and told them to not even attempt to make the trek. Now most my friends are from Salt Lake or even further north, so it was a small and intimate bridal shower. But I didn't mind it at all :) Bree and Jess are amazing! Thank you girls so much!!

On Saturday, Nathan and I ventured to City Creek! I have to say, my mind was blown! That mall is amazing! Any store you could possibly need. All outdoors in the beautiful weather. Tons of places to eat and tons of entertainment. Plus, it's gorgeous! Amazing bridges and fountains and unique design. Makes me love this city even more.

Saturday night we went to see Hunger Games!!! I wanna see it again before I give my full opinion. I was a little disappointed at how rushed it was. Everything happened so quick and I felt like certain scenes weren't given the time they needed. It totally could have run a lot longer. I will say this though, the acting was great! Very well cast. I thought I was going to hate Peeta but he turned out to be my favorite part!

Then came Sunday and the dreaded Mucinex induced coma. It may have been miserable but I gotta say, my sweet fiancé is very, very good at taking care of me. I don't mind being sick if I've got him to scratch my back and bring me bowls of fruit. I sure do love that boy.

NyQuil Hangover

It has not been the most enjoyable 24 hours. I have been battling a slight cold for about 3 weeks now. The occasional sore throat. Little bit of congestion. Mildly annoying, but nothing I couldn't handle. Well.. it all came to a head Sunday around noon. 

I quickly went from this..

 ..to this..

 ..to this.

And believe me, that's about as attractive as the photos get. I'll spare you the ones of me sprawled across the bed, G's hanging out, mouth wide open. Nathan loves to document these precious moments. 

I literally moped around the whole day, I couldn't function. I was excited out of my mind when I remembered that we had no school today. So when I went home, I knew I was going to need to sleep for a LONG time. I had to take advantage of this day off. I am no stranger to NyQuil, but I usually take a small sip and it works for me. This time I decided I was going to take the full, adult dosage. HUGE. MISTAKE.

I am currently typing this with blurry vision and shaky hands. Thank goodness for spell check. My NyQuil hangover is bad. So I get to spend my day off work trying so hard to stay awake while my muscles don't work right and my head feels 12 times larger than usual. Lucky me!

I did happen to have an amazing weekend up until this point. So I will blog the happy moments when my head isn't so foggy. Here's to the spending my Holliday from work in bed!

Things I like today

I like that Brady brought donuts to our morning meeting.
I like that one of my hardest students told my principal that I was his favorite teacher.
I like that last night Nathan and I put all our new furniture together and our little apartment is completely furnished.
I like that it's Friday.
I like that it's the 5 year anniversary of the day I met Nathan.

I like that 2 weeks from this moment, we will be in the temple getting sealed.
I like that I get to spend the night with my favorite ladies at my Utah bridal shower.
I like that starring at my engagement ring never gets old.

I like that it's almost lunch time and we get to have a staff BBQ.
I like that I have Monday off of work.
I like that I feel remotely on top of my paperwork.
I like that I scored incredibly high on my JPASS evaluations.
I like that my very blunt and amazing principal said during my JPASS interview, "I feel like I can say this now that you are almost done with your first year and you've been amazing. I was super hesitant to hire you. You walked into the interview and I thought you were 12 years old."
I like that my fiance can put anything together.
I like that one of my students did his book project on the Book of Mormon and drew a picture of Ammon cutting of the arms of the Lamanites. Only in Utah.

I like that tomorrow I get to spend the day at City Creek Center with Nathan.
I like that my face is too tan for my winter makeup now.
I like that General Conference is next weekend.
I like that my grades are done and ready to turn in for 3rd quarter.
I like that it is so warm, I don't even need a jacket.
I like that I seem to be coming out of my grumpy work-slump.
I like today.

My mid-week thoughts

• I am addicted to the Draw Something game. And I am not even sure why..
• I made it on time to work today for the first time in weeks. Good thing my school is so laid-back. Pretty sure I'd be fired by now.
• I do this thing every winter, where I just kinda decide that winter is over and it's time for Spring so I start wearing warmer clothes and leaving my coat at home and painting my nails bright colors and wearing sandals out to check the mail. It's like I think I can force spring to come by doing these things. Well, when I was scraping the snow off my car Tuesday morning with no gloves or winter coat, I felt a teeny-tiny bit stupid.
• I like that it snowed Tuesday and is supposed to be 70 be tomorrow. Awesome Utah, just awesome.
• I waste a lot of time at work. Like right now when I am blogging. Laziness is my biggest fault. I promise I am trying to work on it. After this blog post.
• I am getting married in 16 days. TAKE THAT!
• I wish my water bottle was full right now. The water cooler seems so far away.
• All of these thoughts have started with I..
• I am selfish.
• I miss my parents.
• Hunger Games comes out this weekend! I am definitely excited to see it. I have loved these books more than any other series I have read besides Harry Potter. But I don't quite get the whole freak-out obsessive thing. Sure I got that way about HP, but oh well. I am going to sit back and judge silently.
• Bllaaahhhhh my prep period is almost over. Do I really have to teach children today?
• It is more windy out here in Riverton than it is anywhere else in the world, I am sure of it. It's impossible to enjoy sunshine with a gusting, frigid wind smacking my face.
• I have got summer on the brain and it's only March. I need a break.
• I think if teacher's didn't have summer vacations, there would be a lot more violence in our schools. Mostly coming from the teachers.
• I am reading the Hunger Games with my kiddies right now. It's fun to seem them excited about a book. All you really need is a little love and a little blood for 8th graders to get interested.
• Nathan and I played Banana Grams last night. It was so much fun, until he won. Yep, I am a sore loser. I think "surer" is a stupid and awkward word. I will forever be biter against it and always say "more sure" just because Nathan won using it.
• I did a whole test prep for the science test tomorrow and I am pretty sure they took in none of it.
• I offered students to come in to my class during lunch to work on missing assignments. I told them I would stay in my class just so they could finish work before the quarter ends. One of my boys took that as an open invitation for a lunch date. He sat in there talking my ear off and when I aksed what work he needed to do, he said "Oh none. I just wanted to each lunch with you."
• As of tomorrow, Nathan and I will have all our furniture in our new apartment!
• City Creek opens this weekend and I am so freaking excited! I just know it's going to blow my mind.
• Bridal shower Friday night. WOoooooOOOOOoooO!!!!
• Today we are on assembly schedule. Which means I have to wait extra long to each lunch. Boo. I'm such a whiner.
• It's later in the day now.. my Study Skills students are kinda being angels right now.
• I spoke too soon. Oops.
• "How many times can you swallow a staple before you die? I need to know real fast." This question was just asked to me.
• I love seeing students help tutor other students. Makes my heart swell.
• I hate only getting to see Nathan for an hour a day. Is it time to live together yet?
• I want diiieeettt ccoookkkeeeee.
• I am so far behind on my file organization. It's sad. Yet here I am, blogging.
• Okay, time to try to stop being lazy. Wish me luck.

kneaders, temple, wind, and rain

I've gotta say, I am pretty freaking stoked about getting hitched in 17 days. But if there is one sad thing about getting married, it's the fact that I won't get to live with my girlfriend Katie anymore.

This past Saturday was so much fun! We continued our Kneaders breakfast tradition and then got to go to the temple together!
We love Kneaders more than any human should. Also, we bring in our own McDonalds diet coke. It's a million times more delicious. Just sayin.

We also always order brownies with our breakfast. Judge all you want, but it is never too early for creamcheese brownies. NEVER.

The temple was amazing! It's the first time I have gone since I received my own endowment so it was wonderful to go when my mind was a lot more clear and I was a lot less overwhelmed. I was able to pay attention and feel the spirit so strong. Also, the Salt Lake temple is incredible! So gorgeous and amazing and HUGE!!! The live session was definitely not as weird as I thought it would be.

When we got out of the temple we were so excited to see that the sun was shining and that we would be able to enjoy the beautiful afternoon on the grass at temple square.

Well that lasted all of 5 seconds before the rain and wind started and things didn't look so bright anymore. We still laughed so it's okay. I am sure am lucky to have such an amazing friend.

I'm also really going to miss conversations like these. She always judges the carrots on my bed.

Life according to the iPhone

Family dinner! Nathan, Jessi, Marshall, Lyss, and I headed over to Scott and Beth's on Saturday night for some SM Style BBQ. It was amazing! So fun to be with family. Missed you Brady!

 Wednesday, Nathan and I got our kitchen table. And when I say "kitchen table" I mean card table. I made Shawn and us some dinner to celebrate.

 Thursday Nathan's classes were cancelled so we celebrated at Applebees. This is Nathan's "stop taking pictures of me to put on your blog" face.

 Shawn got super sleepy one night.

 Our favorite view of the city!

 My handsome fiancé. 

 This picture kills me. Please tell me that it looks like that cat it waiting to attack that photographer? I was laughing so hard!

 Gelato! I got a nutella flavored one. I am pretty sure it changed my life.

 Laaaaazzzzyyy Sunday.

 The view from my desk. My own little home. Somedays it feels like a prison and sometimes it feels like a zoo. Either way, I love it.

 What my handout for our district meeting looked like at the end. I am more ADD than my students.

 Check out that hot photographer. I am such a stalker.

 We are officially in the TEENS!!!!!!! Holy crap. Is this real life?

 Kelsey keep up the pictures. I miss my babies!

 Tonight Nathan and I met up with his favorite family from his mission, the Rice's! I have heard about them for so long I felt like I already knew them. It was a blast to get to know them all and enjoy pizza pie at the same time.

choices

Last night Nathan received an email from his high school girlfriend. It was kind and congratulatory and filled with words wishing us the best for the future. Almost four years ago exactly, this girl sent a very different email. An email that wasn't filled with such kind hopes. An email that made me cry.

When Nathan and I met, we were both getting over very destructive high-school-relationships. Our friendship turned to love over and time and we both felt ready to date again. I worried though, about this girl from his past. Worried that she would come back and he would leave me. I was 19 and naive and self-conscious. One night I expressed my concern and Nathan laughed at the idea. The very next day, the first email came. An email expressing love and regret and offering an airplane ticket to leave me and join her. It was my worst nightmare coming true. I'd finally learned to trust again and now he was going to leave me.

But Nathan laughed as he read the email. Laughed when I told him I thought he was going to leave me. Laughed when she sent two more emails and had no problem replying to her attempts with a very honest and perfectly worded email that let her know there was no chance for them ever again because he'd found what he wanted, and it wasn't her.

I'll never forget the way he so selflessly put all my fears at rest immediately. He didn't let me worry, he didn't waver. He chose me. He chose me immediately. After the kind of relationship I had been in, it was overwhelming to feel so much love and kindness. Even though we'd only been dating a month, I knew at that moment that Nathan was someone I could marry.

Four years later I laugh at how insecure I was then. I laugh thinking anyone could ever keep Nathan and I from being together. But I am still taken aback at how prefect his love is some days. I feel so humbled that he chose me. Without a second thought, he chose me. I will always be grateful for that.

Thank you Nathan, for choosing me then and for choosing me now.

And just so you know, I choose you back.

Spontaneous Zooing

Saturday Nathan and I were in the car intent on being productive and getting stuff done. Then I opened my mouth and said, "We should go to the Zoo!" And before I knew it, we were at the Zoo. A wee bit irresponsible of us.. but we needed it. A day with nothing to do. I forgot days like that existed! Plus the weather was deeeevinnnne.

It was a beautiful day.

The rest of the weekend continuted on in ultra-exciting fashion. We moved Nathan and Shawn outta their old apartment and into the new one that Nathan and I will be living in together in just a few weeks! Shawn is just keeping it warm for me. The night mostly involved throwing a lot of crap away, and cleaning toilets. Needless to say, it was very exciting to be done.

We also set up the wifi! Our married apartment has married wifi. Ahhh! It's happening!

Sunday was spent going to church, being lazy, watching the office, and then this happened:

Why can't every weekend be a spontaneous zooing weeking?

Conversations with 8th graders part 2

JE: Why does it smell like old lady in here?

LT: How many of the 10 amendments are there?

LT: Hey Ms Graphite!
Me: Graphite?
LT: Hahahahahahah yeah. I thought it would be funny. Since we're like.. in the rock lab right now.. ya know?

CK: Hey mom?
Me: I'm not your mom.
CK: I see you more than I see my real mom.
Me: That doesn't make me your mom.
CK: Mommy, who is my daddy?
Me: Oh my gosh
CK: If you're my mom.. does that mean Nathan is my dad?
Me: I am not you're mom!
CK: Can I have some money mom?

*filling out their reading logs*
CK: Who wrote the Book of Mormon?
Me: What?
CK: Do I have to list all the authors or can I just put Jesus?
Me: Just leave it blank.
CK: Well I already put Jesus..
Me: ..ok that's fine.

CK: Ms graff I don't get this how come this word is bolded and it's hard to read and it's long and I am so thirsty you should help me.
*all one sentence, no breaths*

JE: Whoah Ms G, did you see that she has a cheesestick?
Me: Yeah. Why?
JE: It's just cool I guess.

BS: Ms Graff can I tell you something that I think.
Me: Is it school appropriate?
BS: Yes.
Me: Does it have anything to do with what we are talking about right now.
BS: Yes.
Me: Okay go ahead.
BS: I think the zombie Apocalypse has already started but the zombies are being really sneaky about it.

CK: What's your new last name going to be when you get married? It's something like.. bomberburger. Hamburgerly. Something that sounds like burger.
Me: .. Merkley.
CK: That's it!

BS: Are you excited to get married?
Me: Of course I am.
BS: Man, marriage is so stupid. Next time Nathan comes in I am going to tell him about how dumb it is. He will be sitting on the couch watching the game and you're gonna be all like, "Come on honey. We gotta go to the craft store and then visit my parents." Man, his life is gonna suck.

Me: Hey bud you gotta stop talking.
CW: But I'm not talking! I am singing the words of my book quietly to myself!
Me: .. why?
CW: Because it makes me happy.

BS: Gosh Ms Graff, stop believing in us so much. It makes us do more work.

CK: Ms Graff did you hear the ninja sounds I was making during reading time?
Me: No..
CK: DANGIT!! What was the point of making them then?

CK: Ms G smell my hands!!!
Me: It's a rule of mine not to smell my students' hands.
CK: Oh, probably a good idea. Most kids just stick their hands in their pants anyway.

TR: Hey what's your dad's name?
Me: Why?
TR: I just really, really wanna know what your dad's name is.

*after the whole "dad's name" thing turned into a discussion*
Me: Okay I'll give you a hint, it starts with J.
CK: JESUS!!
Me: Nope.
CK: Well technically, Jesus is your father.
JE: No, he's your brother.
NJ: Guys, he's both.

CK: If you buy me a soda, I'll be good the whole day!
Me: You should be good anyways.
CK: Ms G, we both know that is not going to happen.

Me: Who remembers what "irony" means?
CK: It's when humans eat other humans!
CW: No that's barbarism.
Me: Actually, that's cannibalism.
BS: Wow, we are so dumb.
*we are reading Hunger Games. I am not randomly teaching disturbing vocabulary words.*

Ode to my wife

Today I wanna make a shout out to a friend.
A friend who I met in an unconvential way and completely by chance.
A friend who I couldn't make made it through the past two years without
and I am pretty sure I won't make the rest of my life without.
Katie Rose Bastian.
Rose is not her middle name.
Rose is my middle name.
She doesn't have one so I gave her mine.

I can tell you that Katie Bastian came into my life for a reason. Katie is absolutely everything I have needed the past 2 years and then some. I cannot fathom life without her. I know I am not always an easy person to deal with and unfortunately, Katie gets to see the full spectrum of crazy that few outside my family get to experience. But she takes it all in stride, and she loves me anyway. It really is like a marriage. Because on the days when I can't stand myself, she loves me. If that isn't friendship, then I don't know what is.
I prayed for Katie. I didn't know it was her I was praying for at the time, but I was praying desperately every single night to have the pain of Nathan's absence taken away from me. My answer came in the form of a friend. A friend who knew what I was going through. A friend who really listened and cared. A friend who could laugh with me and fill a bit of the void Nathan left. No, Heavenly Father didn't take away my pain, but he gave me someone to help carry it.
Life is so different for the both of us than it was on the day we met. So different then how we thought it would be. We aren't the same people. We have grown and evolved and so much of it was done together. We have seen some really dark nights, but we have stuck through them together and seen the most beautiful sunrises. It almost makes me laugh to think back to the thoughts we had back when we first met. We had no idea the adventure that was waiting for us! It hasn't been easy in any sense of the word, but having her with me is the only reason I've survived.
I'll never forget the nights spent laying on Katie's grass, talking about life and the vast possibility that was, and is, our futures. Or the nights I just laid on her couch doing nothing, just so I wouldn't have to be alone in my apartment. I'll never forget our walk around the Bountiful Temple and how she always knew how to calm me down. Or when we made dumb music videos on her mac and how she laughed at me even when I wasn't funny. I'll never forget her advice and the way she challenges me to be a better person. Or her strength and determination even when things seemed impossible. Living with her has been the biggest blessing. On my last night before Nathan came home, she vrought me creamcheese brownies, diet coke, and a giant cheeseball. She somehow always know what I need. And even when she herself is struggling, she handles it with such grace and faith. She has always been one of the biggest examples to me.
I will always be thankful for the blessing Katie has been and I know will continue to be in my life. I never knew a facebook support group could provide the biggest blessing I can think of. But life really never does make sense. That's something Katie has taught me. One Step At A Time. It's all we can do. I don't know where life is taking us, but I do know she will always be there with me.