Things my students say

Haven't done one of these in a while. It's overdue. Here you go!

BS: This girls always hugs me and like.. squeezes me tight. I don't like it. Now I know how all those girls I sexually harassed last year feel.

CW: Mrs Merkley you drink DIET coke?!
Me: Yeah..
CW: But.. you're not an old lady..?

CW: Guys don't upset Mrs Merkley! Her eyes will get big and her voice will get scary!

CK: I like the way I know what you want me to do, just by the look you give me. It's like you're talking to me with your eyes! Right now they are telling me to shut up.

CK: How many staples can I eat before I die? I need to know really fast!

JM: Can I ditch class?
Me: No.
JM: Dangit, I knew I shouldn’t have asked.

Questions asked the first day of school after my wedding:
-Did you get married?
-Do we have to call you Mrs Erkle now?
-How was the cake?
-Was your cake chocolate?
-How much cake did you eat?
-Did you bring us any cake?
-Was your cake yummy?
-Do you like your husband?

ZS: The sub in History sucks! He has no Adams apple.

CK: Are you mad I got suspended?
Me: I'm not mad, I was just really disappointed.
CK: Ahhh I hate when you say that! It makes it so much worse! Just please be mad at me!

CK: Where is Ms B. today?
Me: She's out sick.
CK: Wow.. I am.. completely devastated.

Me: How does this song make you feel?
HS: I don't know what it makes me feel.. but the guy singing sounds like he's having a whale of a time!

Things on some of my kids' bucket lists:
-Be the next Johnny Knoxville (aspire high dude)
-Get a girl pregnant but only the one that I am married to and is my wife.
-Break my left arm.
-Have the cops chase me for 2 days over a crime I didn't commit.
-Visit Mrs Merkley in a few years and show her how I am not in prison.
- Go on a mission and get sent home for breaking the rules (who has a goal like this??)
-Bury my husband when I am 80. (Creepy.. or sweet?)
-Die by falling off the Eifel Tower.
-Eat some really good food before I die so during my autopsy, the guy will think I'm cool. He will say, "This guy knew how to live!"
-Shoot off a guy's private parts and also he is a bad guy.
-Make my brother stop being annoying. Or shoot him.
-Be really ninja and do some crazy moves and blow everyone's minds.

BS: I'm sorry Mrs Merkley! Are you mad? Please don't be mad! Are you mad?
BM: Well she doesn't look happy does she?
BS: I'm sorry don't be mad! I can't stand it when you're mad at me. I will go crazy!!

CW: Mrs. Merkey do you hate us?
Me: I don't hate any of my students.
BS: Yeah right. I would hate me if I was my teacher.

JM: I'm late because I was in the office.
Me: Are you lying to me?
JM: No.. I swear..
CW: Ohhh man, you should know better. Nothing disappoints Mrs Merkley more than when we are dishonest with her. DISSAPOINTED!

AO: When are reading logs due?
CW: When are reading logs due? Dang new girl, you gotta lot to learn about this class.

Me: Write me a paragraph, just vent your emotions.
JM: WHy does everyone keep telling me to vent?
Me: It feels good! You know how you love how you feel after you use the punching bag?
JM: Yeah.
Me: It's the same thing. It's a release!
CK: Kinda like when you do your home work at school and feel so good when you get home?
Me: Um.. kinda-
CW: Or like when you're playing grand theft auto and you just shoot the guy selling hamburgers?
Me: ....