The end and how I feel about it

Well, the school year is over. My stint as a teacher is over for the time being. I feel very strange about it all.

first day of teaching vs last day of teaching. I started alone, then added a husband, two little girls, and a super pissed off cat.

The last couple days with my kids were really fun. On Monday I actually made them learn. They couldn't believe it. "ITS THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL!" They cried. "I don't care care!" I shouted back. They pretended to be mad. But I still got some after school visitors so I know they got over it.

Tuesday was spent outside basically all day for 9th grade field day. The kids did solar ovens and chalk tessellations and played games. A 6'4 coworker of mine ran and jumped through a hula hoop. I got sunburned. It was really fun.

I was given this by a student who is super into photoshop and thinks he's hilarious. 

Wednesday was my last day with them. I sat with them on the gym floor and watched the teachers get their butts kicked in the teacher vs student volleyball game. Then they cleaned my whole classroom and carried all my crap out to my car for me. The studs.

This is when having all male students comes in handy. They took out my 4 giant bags of trash and recycling, and carted allllll my crap out to my car. I didn't lift a finger. Except to take this picture.

I love this picture of these guys walking back because I caught the moment right before all 4 of the boys staring into that open door, ran into that room and thought they were so funny.

The day ended with a school-wide yearbook signing party and I got my last after-school visit from my 3 hell-raisers. It was bittersweet. 

Very flattering yearbook picture of Zach and I. It was on the "teachers in action" page. Funny thing is, the lady walked in and said, "Everyone act natural I want pictures of teaching in progress!" And all my kids turned and smiled for the camera haha. So this is me actually telling them to all turn around. Not teaching.

My last visit. I was going to have them pose and smile, but then decided I wanted a candid of them just being them. I will miss these visits more than anything. I love these boys.

Thursday The 9th graders were at Lagoon and I broke down on my drive out to work as I realized I wasn't going to be spending the day with my buddies, and actually never would again. I was really, really sad. I still am. It makes no sense that after two years of spending half my day with these kids every day, that I won't see them again. That just sucks butts.

Lunch that day was cause for more tears as I ate lunch with my closest teacher friends and we talked about how half of us our leaving (Shaw and Moody got new jobs) and that it was our last lunch with all of us together. I love these people. I have been insanely blessed with coworkers. Not a single person at my school is someone I don't consider a dear friend. How rare is that? There is a record breaking 14 teachers leaving the school this year for schooling or new jobs or family or moving. It's been sad. These people are amazing human beings. This group in particular have really and truly saved my life. I love them so much. 

Friday was a half day and only 8th graders came. I headed in to check the last few things off my list. Then I hung out with some teacher friends until the faculty vs. students softball game. Kimese and I did our usual cheerleading. We are the best at it.

This picture sucks and I blame the fact that we took it with Brady's crappy phone. I love this lady. She may be a working mom of 3, but she is as crazy and awesome as they come.

After that the kids went home and us teachers got to eat a delicious feast. Then came the goodbyes. Our principal called us each up and gave us some yummy treats. It was hard not to cry. I am surprised that I held it together for a while. But once he dismissed us, the tears came. There was a lot of hugging and crying. There's just so many people here that I love!! I love this job. I love this school. After cry-fest 2014, I got my stuff and gave one last look at room 121, then left.

Last week

Today

I'm feeling a bit lost as I close this chapter of my life. It has been the most incredible journey for me. I have wanted to be a teacher since I was a very young girl. Having that dream realized has been amazing. South Hills changed me. The students and the faculty changed me. I love those halls. I will never be able to fully put into words what the past 3 years have meant for my life.

I feel very much caught in limbo as I say goodbye to teaching, yet I am not a stay at home mom yet. I really do feel like a bit if my identity is gone. I have felt so proud to call myself a teacher these past years. I cannot wait to be a mom, but little baby still feels so far away and I am already missing my 15-year-old babies terribly. I know it's just a transition stage, but gosh I hate those.

I've come to realize that my life has been full of very painful goodbyes with children. All through high school, I worked at an after school program for kids. I would love these kids with all my heart and tutor them and play with them and then the summer would come and they'd be gone. I'd never see them again. When I started college I nannied for a few different families and it was the same thing all over again. I'd love and take care of the kids, and then it would be time to move on. Later I taught preschool. Then summer practicum. Then student teaching. And now real teaching. Year after year of kids who I love and sacrifice for, and then have to say goodbye to. Then it happened with my first baby. I loved her and sacrificed for her and carried her for 8 months, only to have to say goodbye. My heart can't take these goodbyes anymore. 

I loved being a teacher. I LOVE my students, and will forever. But I am so ready to be a mom. So ready to have a sweet hello that isn't immediately followed by a sad goodbye. I'm so thankful to have had these years and experiences to prepare me. I think I'm ready for the next adventure.