the beauty of postpartum jogging

You guys, there was once a time in my life, many moons ago, where I was in amazing shape and I could run like nobody's business. I played soccer in high school, and we had to run 2 miles in a certain amount of time. I can't remember what the time was, but I could run my 2-mile in under 14 minutes. My coach used to have me run with some of the slower girls to have them try and match my pace. I was so freaking cool. Everyone called me "the coolest, prettiest, fastest girl in the universe" and gave me money and gifts. People came from around the world to witness my speed.

I tell you that mostly-true story to let you know I wasn't always such a running failure.

I blew out my knee later in high school and running was a lot harder, but I still tried. Over the years I ran less and less, but I still did occasionally and it wasn't that bad. I even jogged at the beginning of both of my pregnancies. People over the world held out hope that "the coolest, prettiest, fastest girl in the universe" would be making a comeback and their lives would have meaning again. Alas, their hopes were dashed.

It's been about a year since I even attempted a run. I exercised my entire pregnancy, but have worked out maybe 3 times since I gave birth. And I use the words "work out" very lightly. My body bounced back after Madelyn. It is noootttt happening this time. But I have been going on a lot of walks so I figured it couldn't be that bad. Right? RIGHTT?! So today I attempted to jog.

Guys, my "jog" lasted about 12 seconds. I was walking briskly, blasting One Direction because I'm so hip, Sadie was napping in the stroller, and I was feeling good. I picked up my pace and fell into a jog and then I quickly wanted to fall off a cliff.

You see, I have what I like to call my "spare tire." Even though I am close to my pre-pregnancy weight (still a few pounds to go), my body is not the same. I don't know if it's because it was my second pregnancy, or because it was a c-section, or just because the Gods hate me, but I just have all this fat and skin hanging out around the bottom of my torso. And it JUST SITS THERE. Then my lovely c-section scar decorates the bottom, just to make the spare tire pretty. It's really quite the sight.

As I "jogged", I felt this entire spare tire fly up into the air, fall right back down, then shake around with vengeance. It was glorious and I am sure all of Salt Lake county felt the shock waves. My calves and thighs immediately screamed vulgar things at me for making them move so quickly, and my lungs were like, "What the H-E-L-L do you think you're doing?!" All from 12 seconds of "jogging."

Luckily I didn't have to pee. Becuase.. I just don't want to know what would have happened.

So if you woke up this morning wondering if Kaitlin was ever gonna start jogging again, the answer is that I tried, my friend.

But I will never be doing that crap again.