the one where I turn 27

Yesterday was my 27th birthday!

Wahooo!!

We celebrated this weekend.

Nathan has a tendency to go overboard for birthdays and holidays. I made him promise to be cheap and told him I really didn't need anything.

He told me he would.

Liar!

I woke up Saturday morning and he brought me Nutella crepes in bed! It was freaking amazing. Then Nathan brought in a couple presents. He got me a cute short and beautiful maxi-dress. I was pretty impressed with his ability to pick out clothes for me. 

Then he told me there was one more present, but I had to follow the string to get to it, and he handed me one end of a piece of yarn. I will be honest, I thought this would be some long hunt to a silly gift. And when the yarn led me completely around the entire apartment, I figured it was all just a game.

The yarn ended in my moccasin slippers which were sitting by the front door. I picked the shoes up, and there was a car key inside.

A FREAKING CAR KEY.

My husband bought me a car for my birhtday. And not just any car.

A 2015 Honda CRV.

But let me give you a little background on this large birthday present. This will be long, but you know how I like to document. We aren't super rich. We also aren't super irresponsible. This purchase was something we had both thought and prayed about for a while.

We have had 1 car our whole marriage. In the beginning we didn't even notice. We lived 10 minutes from Nathan's work, so he rode the trax and I took the car out to my school. It would start to get annoying in cases where I had big events at my school after work and wanted Nathan there, but he has no way of getting out there. But we dealt with it. 

Then we moved 30 minutes from Nathan's work. We were still about 30 minutes from my work, and they were in complete opposite directions. Nathan was able to bring home a company car for a while which was awesome, but then they told us it was too far of a commute and he couldn't take it anymore. Which meant that we were waking up super early every day, I was driving Nathan 30 minutes down town, driving home to get ready, then driving 30 minutes out west for work. I was pregnant too, and that was rough. We did it for several months until summer came for me. Then I was trapped at home with no car all day. That was also hard. I was trying to plan girls camp. I had to attend meetings and run tons of errands. That required me walking to several meetings and having to wait until Nathan was home to run errands and then I would miss all my time with him. (I was also just super bored during the day). Then girls camp came and I had to take the car and we had to rent Nathan a car so he could get to work. Aside from girls camp, it was all just annoying. I had a baby shower, and then they invited Nathan over at the end to come eat and see people. But he couldn't come. He didn't have a car! 

The baby came and I didn't want to leave very much, but things became incredibly hard for me when we stayed in Midway in-between moves. I was an hour away from civilization. Wasn't even walking distance from a store or gas station. Nathan left before I got up, and came home when it was already dark and had to work on home work all night because he was really far behind, thanks to having a baby and moving. I was trapped in that huge house all day, just a newborn, a cat, and me. All the while I was still adjusting to my postpartum life. It was really, really hard. I joked about it a lot on my blog and stuff, but I definitely got depressed. I felt trapped and suffocated. 

We finally moved and it was definitely a HUGE positive change. But after a little while, it started getting hard again. I kept trying to brush it off, but I felt trapped still. I LOVE our home, but it is a basement. It is underground, and I can't really see outside. We have a good amount of light coming in, but I can't see the sky. I can't tell you how many times Nathan has texted me and asked if it's raining, and I have no idea because I can't see. Sadie and I would go several days without going outside. The weather wasn't great, our yard wasn't done, and she had a napping schedule that kept me from taking the 20 minute walk to the Target. If I wanted to run errands, I had to wait until Nathan came home. All her doctor appointments had to be scheduled so that Nathan had a chance to drive home and get us. Then we would just have to drive around Salt Lake for a couple hours until he got off work because it wasn't worth it to drive home and come get him again in a few minutes. I can't tell you how many presidency meetings I have had to walk to. Some aren't far, so it's okay. But one time it was basically a blizzard and I am trying to run me and my baby to someone's house a couple blocks away. There were many opportunities to meet up with friends that I had to pass up because I didn't have a way of getting there. There were several service opportunities or activities for my calling that I couldn't attend. I felt suffocated again, and started to get pretty depressed. Sadie was getting so fun and alert and interactive, and all we could do was sit at home all day. I know there are a lot worse problems in the world, but this was hard for me.

I stress about money a lot, so I told myself I would just have to live with no car until Nathan graduated in another year and a half. We have a small amount of debt, and Nathan makes pretty good money. But it just wasn't a need as I kept telling myself. Just a want. But it got harder and harder. It started to become more of a need for my emotional health. I know that sounds silly, but I didn't feel like a member of society. I was just some random lady who lived in a hole in the ground and played with her baby and got out on the weekends sometimes. I had a breakdown one night to Nathan about how worthless and sad I was feeling.  We tried coming up with a list of things I could do to help me feel like a real human and not just a breastfeeding machine.  We quickly discovered, most required me to be able to leave the house without scheduling a car trade-off with Nathan. After crying and getting a blessing, I was feeling better. And I thought that was that. But Nathan told me he felt strongly that night that it was time to get a second car.

He did his researching, and I had no idea.

NO IDEA. 

No, of course, he didn't have to get me a brand new car, haha. But it's a lease and a freaking good deal. He also figured we can just lease to own this, and when he looked at purchasing the 2008 version of the same car, it was almost the same monthly payment. So we made a little splurge. But you guys, I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

I was so shocked. I couldn't even put words together. Nathan made a video and I seriously am just dumbfounded the whole time. Once it finally sunk it and Nathan reassured me for the 90th time that we were not going to become bankrupt, he made me a list of all the things I could do now that I had a car, and I cried for 20 minutes. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I love my sweet baby, but I worried that I was getting lost and drowned in motherhood. That all I would ever be was a lady who sat at home with her baby. I feel like I can be a better mother to Sadie now.

I have the freaking best husband. He did so much research. He went into work early and gave up his lunches and stayed late as he went around trying to find the best deal for us. He contacted my friends and family and so many amazing people contributed to our downpayment. We are so blessed. I felt so loved and happy. The people in my life are awesome!!

Whew. That was long. ANYWAYYYYYY.

We obviously spent the rest of the day in the car. We went out and got lunch and then played downtown and then went on a long drive while Sadie napped. We headed into the mountains and found more snow up at the top. 

We got cheesecake for dinner and Katie came to hang out for a while and we ended the night eating Pizza (I guess that was our dessert) and watching SNL just the two of us. A perfect birthday :)