A break from your previously scheduled vacation posts to talk about my baby

I have never, in my entire life, wished so badly that time would just stop. Or at least slow down.

Every morning I feel like I wake up to a whole new baby. These past few months, her progression has tripled. She is learning so many new things. She doesn't seem that babyish anymore. She is growing up so dang fast. When I was saying goodbye to family last week, I realized that she will be one the next time they see her. ONE YEARS OLD, PEOPLE!!! This isn't okay.

This is the stage I was so excited for. I loved having a wee little baby. I loved how small she was and how much she needed me. I loved how easy she was to take care of.  I loved that always fell asleep on my chest. But this stage is what I was waiting for. When she chooses to cuddle with me, instead of just always sleeping. When she is independent, but still loves to be held. When her personality is coming out and she is learning and exploring and experiencing. I can't explain how much I love to watch her experience life.

 I want to remember everything about the way she is right now. Her wrist and thigh rolls. Her long, skinny toes. The way her blonde hair is starting to curl. Her pouty lips. Her laugh. The way she says "dada" over and over half the day. Her weird "dinosaur noise." How fast she crawl. The way she sometimes goes too fast and one leg will slip out and she face plants. When she crosses her legs while sitting in her carseat. How excited she is when I look back from the driver's seat and she sees me in her little mirror. The way she talks to herself in the morning before I get her up. How cute her little wave is, and how she waves at herself half the time. The way she has started touching everything with just her pointer finger, instead of her whole hand.

I want to remember how proud she looks when she pulls herself up on something new, or climbs over an obstacle on the floor. How hard she laughs when people make funny faces. Her ticklish spot under her armpits. How excited she is to wake up in the morning. How cute it is when she is sitting quietly and playing with toys. The way she pushes a ball around the room and chases it. How excited she gets when the cat walks past her. The way her tongue is always hanging out of her mouth. How good she smells right after a bath. The way she puts her arms up and flaps her hands when she wants to be picked up. How cautious she is around strangers and new situations, but how sweet it is when she opens up. Her two-tooth grin that always melts my heart.

I want to remember the way she snuggles into me in very early hours of the morning after she's finished her feeding. I always stay in there much longer than I should, even though it's 5am and I am tired. I rock her as she closes her eyes. Then I stand up and let her bury into me some more. When I lay her down, I watch her move around to get comfortable before she falls back to sleep. I want to remember the way she reaches up and touches my face during those feedings. She is crazy and spastic and constantly on the move during the day. But at 5am, when it's quiet and the sun is just coming up, she is calm and she wants me. She doesn't want to be on the floor exploring, or chasing the cat, she wants to be held and cuddled and loved. I don't want to ever forget those moments.

I don't ever want to forget the life we have now. The quiet, suburban street we live on, where everyone waves hello. Our basement apartment that is always full of light and perfect for what we need right now. How often we take little road trips to visit family. Our quiet nights at home, eating dinner on the couch and watching The Office. Our long drives up the canyon, and our long walks around the city we love. Our annoying cat, who we love so much. Nathan's daily lunch visits. Our loving ward, and the callings that give us a 30 teenagers who just want to hold and kiss Sadie. Our little side-yard, and how excited we were just to have grass. Watching Nathan put Sadie to bed every night, and wondering how I got so lucky.

I don't want to forget anything.