insta overload

Oh hey. Were you hoping today that I would blog one-thousand instagram pictures?

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!

Saying goodbye to B.Stew. She's all grown up and going to texas!! I will miss her dearly.

Nathan smiling in his sleep. Creeper.

Some days my team decides we should combine our classes so someone can do an In-N-Out run for lunch. It was Heavenly.

Nathan thinks he's a good hider..

Sonic milkshakes! Did you know they are half price after 8pm? Cos they totally are. And it's totally awesome.

Diet coke.. mmmmm

Walking to the Gateway to see Avengers! Two things: Living so close to the Gateway is awesome, and Avengers was freaking amaazzzinnng!!!

I have a stalker.

Saturday was my cute cousin Kendall's baptism. She was sooo excited!

Pigeons built a nest on our balcony a few weeks ago and laid eggs. Nathan has been obsessed! The eggs hatched last week. They are actually pretty cute!

We had to skip the brunch after the baptism in order to get a billion errands done, but Nathan had breakfast food on the brain all day so we had some iHop.

I love pictures of my food and I don't care what anyone says! Also, this milkshake was amazing.

Oh just icing my eyes. I have insanely sensitive skin around my eyes. I happened to switch moisturizers and my eyes blew up into a red, swollen, itchy mess.

Told you I like food pictures. Sunday dinner. Ohhhhhyuuuummmm.

Nathan complaining of being too full.

I promise one day I will use a real camera again.

Maybe.

Month One

Happy 1 month to us!!

Yes, I am one of those girls. Blog posts every month people. EVERY MONTH!!

I'll blog about the weekend later, but today Nathan and I spent a lot of the time going through mission stuff. I still can't believe he's only been home a few months. It seems literally impossible that I lived two years without him here. I can't imagine living any other way than I am right now.

Right now is perfect.

Except for the fact that it's Sunday night.. and tomorrow is Monday.. dangit.

Anyways, Happy Anniversary Natey. 

Thanks for serving your mission, coming home to me, and marrying me.
Just like you promised.

A Family Affair

I love my crazy family. And I love that we figured out how to 3-way skype so even as we all sleep in California, Arizona, and Utah, we can still watch Ava dump pee on Blake and watch Cameron make dumb faces and everyone can hear me burp! I saw we make it a weekly occurrence. I have some really good burps to share.

Love these faces

 Playing with mama's hair.

 Oh hai! It's Marshmallow!

 Sisters with their men.

 This is what happened when my dad asked to see "that handsome face up close"

 This is who he really meant. Check out those eyes! 

1 year

This came for me through district mail today:

Even though I am fully aware of how close summer is, it still shocked me to see those words. "You have completed your first year." What the heck?! There is no possible way my first year is over. It's seriously blowing my mind. So much has changed and so much has happened and I am not sure I am ready to be done yet.

I remember my interview for this job and how when they called me to tell me I got the job I jumped around the current classroom I was teaching in and screamed. (I definitely had a student in there with me by the way. Pretty sure he is scarred). I remember going in for my first meetings and meeting my team and the rest of the faculty and learning just what I was going to be teaching. I remember seeing my classroom for the first time and being giddy. I remember getting my class rosters and seeing pictures of my students and dying to meet them. I remember the night before school started and how I wasn't nervous at all, but I was SO excited it felt like Christmas Eve. I remember those first few days, getting to know my kids and falling in love instantly. It's crazy how those 28 little strangers are now some of the people I love most in the world.

Lately I have been kinda beating up on myself. (What else is new?) I feel like I have kinda failed my kids. Everyone told me the first year is rough and I have felt it. I have been feeling bad because so many of my kids still can barely read. So many of them failed half their classes. So many of them can't do simple division problems. Four of my kids were suspended (2 kicked out) for "special" brownies. I feel like this year I pushed to the breaking point, but I didn't fix anyone. I know it's unrealistic to think I could get these 14-year-olds who are reading on a 1st grade level to where they need to be, but my brain tells me I should have.

Well with this congratulatory letter, they sent me a questionnaire I filled out at my first-year SPED teacher training. Here were some of the things I said 1 year ago:

"I want my students to believe in themselves and know how smart they are. I want to teach them the value of hard work and how to overcome challenges, learn, and progress."

"I want my kids to think of me as someone who loved them, believed in them, taught them, and challenged them. I want every student to leave my class with a positive feeling."

"I want them to feel comfortable with me and know that they can come to me for help. I want respect as their teacher, but an understanding that I am there for them and want their happiness in every aspect."

I started to realize that in what is really important with these kids, I had the exact kind of year I wanted. With older resource kids, complete success and an exit from special ed is very rare. If they haven't learned to read at this point, they will never be on grade level. They can still learn, they can still make progress, but I can't beat myself up that I didn't bump my students 6 grade levels in 8 months. But what I feel I have given my students is just as important.

Not gonna toot my own horn or anything, but my students love me. And not just because I'm all young and hip (cos I seriously am sooo hip), but because they know I love them back. Even my hardest kids who I have had to raise my voice at once or twice or eighty-six times, always tell me how they know I love them and they thank me for not giving up on them. If anything, I think that's the most important idea I can give them- someone loves them.

One thing I have definitely worked on, which isn't always successful, is implanting in my students' heads that they are NOT stupid. Test scores and teachers and parents and peers and society has told them throughout their entire education that they are stupid and it breaks my heart. I hope this year that I have helped ebb away just a small portion of that poor self esteem. We had an "I can't" funeral at the beginning of the year and my kids still talk about it. I hope they always remember that they can do anything.

Today a group of boys asked to have lunch in my room. When I asked why one of them said, "Because we like being in your classroom. It's happy in there." I feel like Heavenly Father told him exactly what I needed to hear. Maybe I can't fix all their home problems or the fact that they can't read and do basic math, but I can help them feel happy and safe. And for me, right now, that's enough.

my lunch visitors :)

Things my students say

Haven't done one of these in a while. It's overdue. Here you go!

BS: This girls always hugs me and like.. squeezes me tight. I don't like it. Now I know how all those girls I sexually harassed last year feel.

CW: Mrs Merkley you drink DIET coke?!
Me: Yeah..
CW: But.. you're not an old lady..?

CW: Guys don't upset Mrs Merkley! Her eyes will get big and her voice will get scary!

CK: I like the way I know what you want me to do, just by the look you give me. It's like you're talking to me with your eyes! Right now they are telling me to shut up.

CK: How many staples can I eat before I die? I need to know really fast!

JM: Can I ditch class?
Me: No.
JM: Dangit, I knew I shouldn’t have asked.

Questions asked the first day of school after my wedding:
-Did you get married?
-Do we have to call you Mrs Erkle now?
-How was the cake?
-Was your cake chocolate?
-How much cake did you eat?
-Did you bring us any cake?
-Was your cake yummy?
-Do you like your husband?

ZS: The sub in History sucks! He has no Adams apple.

CK: Are you mad I got suspended?
Me: I'm not mad, I was just really disappointed.
CK: Ahhh I hate when you say that! It makes it so much worse! Just please be mad at me!

CK: Where is Ms B. today?
Me: She's out sick.
CK: Wow.. I am.. completely devastated.

Me: How does this song make you feel?
HS: I don't know what it makes me feel.. but the guy singing sounds like he's having a whale of a time!

Things on some of my kids' bucket lists:
-Be the next Johnny Knoxville (aspire high dude)
-Get a girl pregnant but only the one that I am married to and is my wife.
-Break my left arm.
-Have the cops chase me for 2 days over a crime I didn't commit.
-Visit Mrs Merkley in a few years and show her how I am not in prison.
- Go on a mission and get sent home for breaking the rules (who has a goal like this??)
-Bury my husband when I am 80. (Creepy.. or sweet?)
-Die by falling off the Eifel Tower.
-Eat some really good food before I die so during my autopsy, the guy will think I'm cool. He will say, "This guy knew how to live!"
-Shoot off a guy's private parts and also he is a bad guy.
-Make my brother stop being annoying. Or shoot him.
-Be really ninja and do some crazy moves and blow everyone's minds.

BS: I'm sorry Mrs Merkley! Are you mad? Please don't be mad! Are you mad?
BM: Well she doesn't look happy does she?
BS: I'm sorry don't be mad! I can't stand it when you're mad at me. I will go crazy!!

CW: Mrs. Merkey do you hate us?
Me: I don't hate any of my students.
BS: Yeah right. I would hate me if I was my teacher.

JM: I'm late because I was in the office.
Me: Are you lying to me?
JM: No.. I swear..
CW: Ohhh man, you should know better. Nothing disappoints Mrs Merkley more than when we are dishonest with her. DISSAPOINTED!

AO: When are reading logs due?
CW: When are reading logs due? Dang new girl, you gotta lot to learn about this class.

Me: Write me a paragraph, just vent your emotions.
JM: WHy does everyone keep telling me to vent?
Me: It feels good! You know how you love how you feel after you use the punching bag?
JM: Yeah.
Me: It's the same thing. It's a release!
CK: Kinda like when you do your home work at school and feel so good when you get home?
Me: Um.. kinda-
CW: Or like when you're playing grand theft auto and you just shoot the guy selling hamburgers?
Me: ....

Weekending

The weekend may not be over yet, but I can already tell you Sunday will not be blog-worthy. We came home from church, turned the heat on for a "few minutes" then fell asleep for 3 hours and woke up baking in our bed. Now I am eating Nutella and watching Casablanca. Just living the life.

Friday night was like this:

We finally hooked up the cable and it was like Christmas morning to be able to flip through channels and watch whatever we wanted. There were hours of Scrubs, Friends, Psych, and The Office Watching.

Also, Nathan stalked me.

Saturday I woke up to a clean apartment and Nathan finishing up in the kitchen. Seriously guys, I scored myself a keeper. 

We visited the library then enjoyed the sun up on the roof. I love the gardens up there. I love the view. I love Salt Lake! 5 years ago Nathan took me up there on our first "real" date. It's fun to look back and see how far we've come.

Red Iguana at City Creek for lunch. Let me toot Red Iguana's horn for a bit. I am seriously obsessed. Growing up in Southern California and visiting Mexico every summer I have had some bomb Mexican food. Red Iguana is basically #1 in my books. And I LLOOOVVEEE Mexican. Oh yum. I want some now.

Please observe how freaking hot my husband is. Hot daaang.

Another great weekend. Life is simple and easy and wonderful. I know it can't always stay quite like this, but we are enjoying it while it can.

the ramblings of an empty stomach

I am sitting here on the couch of my cute little apartment waiting for my awesome husband to bring me home Del Taco and my heart is full of all kinds of emotions but I will only say a few things.

I love this picture. For so many reasons. I love how handsome my husband is. I love that he finally got to meet Mr. Wiggly. I love that Mr. Wiggly was kinda my stand in boyfriend while he was gone. I love that Mr. Wiggly loved Nathan immediately. I love that my best friend took this picture and that she loves Nathan too. (Just in a different way) I love the summer nights I spent on that couch with Kaite and Wiggles thinking about Nathan and what would happen with us. I love that I have been married to him for 3 weeks as of today. I love the twists and turns that life takes you on. I love Nathan. I love where I am. Right here. Right now.

I also love Del Taco.