Conversations with 8th graders part 2

JE: Why does it smell like old lady in here?

LT: How many of the 10 amendments are there?

LT: Hey Ms Graphite!
Me: Graphite?
LT: Hahahahahahah yeah. I thought it would be funny. Since we're like.. in the rock lab right now.. ya know?

CK: Hey mom?
Me: I'm not your mom.
CK: I see you more than I see my real mom.
Me: That doesn't make me your mom.
CK: Mommy, who is my daddy?
Me: Oh my gosh
CK: If you're my mom.. does that mean Nathan is my dad?
Me: I am not you're mom!
CK: Can I have some money mom?

*filling out their reading logs*
CK: Who wrote the Book of Mormon?
Me: What?
CK: Do I have to list all the authors or can I just put Jesus?
Me: Just leave it blank.
CK: Well I already put Jesus..
Me: ..ok that's fine.

CK: Ms graff I don't get this how come this word is bolded and it's hard to read and it's long and I am so thirsty you should help me.
*all one sentence, no breaths*

JE: Whoah Ms G, did you see that she has a cheesestick?
Me: Yeah. Why?
JE: It's just cool I guess.

BS: Ms Graff can I tell you something that I think.
Me: Is it school appropriate?
BS: Yes.
Me: Does it have anything to do with what we are talking about right now.
BS: Yes.
Me: Okay go ahead.
BS: I think the zombie Apocalypse has already started but the zombies are being really sneaky about it.

CK: What's your new last name going to be when you get married? It's something like.. bomberburger. Hamburgerly. Something that sounds like burger.
Me: .. Merkley.
CK: That's it!

BS: Are you excited to get married?
Me: Of course I am.
BS: Man, marriage is so stupid. Next time Nathan comes in I am going to tell him about how dumb it is. He will be sitting on the couch watching the game and you're gonna be all like, "Come on honey. We gotta go to the craft store and then visit my parents." Man, his life is gonna suck.

Me: Hey bud you gotta stop talking.
CW: But I'm not talking! I am singing the words of my book quietly to myself!
Me: .. why?
CW: Because it makes me happy.

BS: Gosh Ms Graff, stop believing in us so much. It makes us do more work.

CK: Ms Graff did you hear the ninja sounds I was making during reading time?
Me: No..
CK: DANGIT!! What was the point of making them then?

CK: Ms G smell my hands!!!
Me: It's a rule of mine not to smell my students' hands.
CK: Oh, probably a good idea. Most kids just stick their hands in their pants anyway.

TR: Hey what's your dad's name?
Me: Why?
TR: I just really, really wanna know what your dad's name is.

*after the whole "dad's name" thing turned into a discussion*
Me: Okay I'll give you a hint, it starts with J.
CK: JESUS!!
Me: Nope.
CK: Well technically, Jesus is your father.
JE: No, he's your brother.
NJ: Guys, he's both.

CK: If you buy me a soda, I'll be good the whole day!
Me: You should be good anyways.
CK: Ms G, we both know that is not going to happen.

Me: Who remembers what "irony" means?
CK: It's when humans eat other humans!
CW: No that's barbarism.
Me: Actually, that's cannibalism.
BS: Wow, we are so dumb.
*we are reading Hunger Games. I am not randomly teaching disturbing vocabulary words.*