marry the nice guy

This is a very random post. So, just.. yeah.
This topic has been on my mind a lot lately.
I teach the young women at my church, and I always worry about them dating.
Out of all the advice I could ever give to young girls, I think this is the most important:

GIRLS, marry the nice guy.

Way back as a young 18-year-old, I had a very best friend, Nathan, who later turned into my husband. After we first met and kissed a couple times, I told him I was still not over my ex (we had broken up only a couple weeks prior) and that I needed some time. He was so kind and offered his friendship with no strings attached. He became one of the most important people in my life over the course of the next 8 months. He even sat around and kindly listened to me vent and tears over stupid boys who I was dating. Never complained. Never wavered. He was the best.

A roommate asked me if I would ever date Nathan. I told her I definitely had feelings for him and was attracted to him, but I could never end up with him. Why? 

Because he was too nice.

Is that the dumbest thing you have ever heard? (Keep in mind, I was still technically a teenager). "Yeah, he would treat me way too well. I don't want to end up with a guy like that!"

I cannot truly understand my thought process, but over the years I have been able to figure some things out as to why my thinking was so twisted.

First of all, I had a "serious" boyfriend in high school and we dated for nearly 2 years by the time we broke up halfway though my freshman year of college. We fought constantly. I'm sure he is much different now, but I would not have described him as a "nice guy" back then. We would get in these huge screaming matches. They were so dramatic and over the top. Me running out of his house crying. Him pounding the wall in frustration. Yelling, crying, sobbing, screaming, name calling, cursing, phone throwing.. you name it. But afterwards, we would have these over-the-top make ups. Huge declarations of love. Big promises to be better. Long kisses. Like a stupid soap opera that I would probably love to watch, but it really sucks to live. But that's what I thought relationships were like. They had to be heated and angry and explosive to really have passion. The guy had to kind of be a jerk. That's just how guys are! Isn't that what we always see portrayed in media? The guy is an obsessive sports nut who will never watch your shows and will make fun of you for liking them. He will hate your friends and never get along with your mom. He will be a slob and you will constantly fight over the dishes in the sink. He's too proud and stubborn to stop and ask for directions. He'll forget your anniversary, and buy you something stupid on your birthday. You'll never see eye-to-eye on most issues, but that's okay because you'll have the awesome, blow-out fights and then get to make up. That's just what love is!

Maybe that works for some people, but that's never been what I actually wanted. I thoughts that's just what you were supposed to do. But I married the nice guy. And I have never been more happy of my choice.

After breaking up with my high school boyfriend and before dating Nathan, I dated a lot more idiots. (I did date some very nice guys too, but it just didn't click with them). It was actually one of these verrrry typical "men" who drove me straight into Nathan's arms. He played games like no one I had ever known before. He was so overly competitive, that he got angry when I beat him at mini golf. He made fun of me in the not fun way- the point where it's not funny anymore; it's mean. He didn't like my friends. He would ignore me to watch sports. He would "forget" to call or "forget" to text back. He would never make us "official." Sure he had good qualities too, but I grew so tired of dealing with guys like this. I had been conditioned to think "that's just how men are!"  That I would have to marry a guy like this and just learn to deal with it. One night, this boy took me to get ice cream at the store that Nathan was currently managing. We talked with Nathan for a bit and then ate our ice cream. This boy told me he could tell Nathan was in love with me, and that he was gonna bring me back here on all our dates just to make Nathan jealous. Well, it didn't work. All it did was make me want to be on a date with Nathan, not him. So I decided to go hang out with Nathan after my date one night. That night, I knew that being with the nice guy was exactly what I wanted. I let Nathan know I was open to it, he kissed me, and BAM. The rest is history. 

Nathan never makes me feel unimportant. He never puts his hobbies or interests before me. He watches trashy television because he knows I like it. He lets me vent and complain about stupid stuff. He is always helping to clean the house. He never yells. He never name calls. He pushes me to be better without putting me down. He always remembers our anniversary and makes a huge deal out of every celebration. He supports me in everything I do and loves me in my weaknesses. He patiently waited for me as a friend for almost a year, but never made me feel pressured to be with him. He cared more about my happiness than his own, even back then. He cleans toilets and cooks dinner and scratches my back until I fall asleep. He adores my family and loves my friends. He is the nicest guy I know. And I love him so much.

Does he do things that annoy me? Yes. Is he sometimes a total "guy"? Yes. Does he always pick up his dirty clothes? No. Does he do everything perfect? No. Do we argue sometimes? Yes. There's no perfect man out there! But Nathan is perfect for me.

You don't need fire and anger and over-the-top fights to have passion. My favorite kind of passion is the kind that comes from mutual love, respect, and adoration. You don't have to constantly be butting heads and challenging each other to have attraction. I am attracted to Nathan for his patience, steady-hand, and innate goodness. I didn't know a marriage could be so harmonious and easy. I didn't know it was okay to marry the nice guy.

I don't know if this is just a problem I had, or if it's more common, but I hope girls out there know they can marry the nice guy. It doesn't have to be like it always in in the movies. A girl has to choose between the sweet and supportive man, or the fiery and hotheaded guy who she fights with a lot. I swear, she almost always chooses the latter. (EXCEPT FOR HUNGER GAMES!!! That was the best. Team Peeta! Team nice guy! Also Pam and Jim. Team JAM!) There's a reason "nice guys finish last" is a common saying. And it's stupid! Nice guys are the best freaking husbands in the world! I hope more and more people realize this and snatch those nice guys up. It is somewhat pleasing to see that a majority of those dummies I dated in the past are still single. I know that sounds biter, but I don't mean that I want them to be miserable. I just want the nice guys to get the girls they deserve! 

So basically, find yourself a nice guy and marry him.

You can thank me later.