Monday, January 25, 2016

a giant pregnancy post

I feel a little bit bad that I haven't documented this pregnancy the way that I did Sadie's and Madelyn's. This one has definitely been harder, but I want to remember it! Maybe.. haha.

Let's rewind about a year, shall we?

I wanted another baby when Sadie was 6 months old. My rational husband talked me out of it, haha. But we both knew a baby would be coming soon. We "stopped preventing" when Sadie was 9 months. I told myself not to get my hopes up since we weren't actually trying yet, but I did get my hopes up. And I was sad. Because I'm dumb. My period wasn't even back yet!

I felt weird about wanting another baby so soon, and actually didn't tell anyone we were even trying. When I look back, I honestly think it's because it took so long with Sadie. Everyone knew we were trying. Everyone wanted us to be pregnant so bad. Month after month I had to tell people, "no baby this month" and is sucked. I didn't want to do that this time around. In my head, I was planning for another long road.

Sadie was done nursing around 10 months and my period was back when she was 11 months. We tried my first cycle by tracking with ovulation test strips and I never got a positive. My cycle was over a month long. I already started to panic because this was exactly what happened when trying with Sadie. Long cycles. No positive ovulation strips. I shut off even more and actually told people we weren't trying. Even family members! I was so panicked.

My doctor suggested I take my BBT every morning like i had before, just so we could see if I wasn't ovulating like last time. So I started. I was a little bummed when the normal window for ovulation came and passed, but then a week later, my temps spiked! I ovulated! I was so dang happy. Taking temps when trying for Sadie was depressing. I never ovulated and it was so sad to look at my charts. This time my chart looked perfect. I didn't want to get my hopes up. But I knew. The way I knew with Sadie and with Madelyn. But I kept telling myself I was making it up.

A little over a week after ovulation and my temps were still high. I got a weird pinching/cramping feeling for a couple hours. The same one I got with Sadie. I knew.

Nathan ran into target that night to grab a few things and I turned around to Sadie and said, "I'm pregnant, Sadie. You're going to be a big sister!" She's the only one I could admit it to. I didn't even want to tell Nathan! I had such high hopes, but I also had all that fear from last time.

I didn't tell Nathan when I was going to test. I wanted to surprise him. I woke up on a Monday morning in late October and tested. It was positive. I felt like, "duh" and I also felt like the wind was knocked out of me. HOLY CRAP I WAS PREGNANT. Sadie and I went to the store to try and find a way to surprise Nathan. I ended up finding an "I'm a big sister" book and thought I would tell him to read it to her. When he came home for lunch, I set up a camera and asked him to read her her new book. It took him FOREVER!!!! He kept kissing her and wrestling her and I was going crazy. He finally read it and was shocked! Like me! Haha.

It only took about 6 days before the nausea to set in. Much earlier than in either of my past pregnancies, and much worse. It came HARD. I was constantly starving, but the idea of any food physically hurt my stomach. Nothing tasted good. Everything made me sick. I had no energy to function, and a very active toddler to chase around. I want to say I am SO THANKFUL to be pregnant. But it hasn't been a picnic, haha. Sadie has been a champ. She's been so cuddly and sweet and accepting of how boring I am. Nathan's been amazing too. Always taking care of us. Here's some pictures of how weeks 5-14 went. Lots of couch laying.

We announced to our families with phone calls and a "Big Sister" t-shirt. I got sicker and sicker. I really struggled those first few weeks. I was so sick and tired, but I had four people very close to me miscarry. FOUR. They were all due around the same time as me. I also have a couple friend/family members who are struggling to get pregnant and have been for a while. I cried a lot. I felt guilty. I have been on the other side- watching others get to stay pregnant when I didn't, and it was really hard to be the one keeping the baby as weird and strange as that sounds. I felt very disconnected from my pregnancy. I had started to just tell myself they baby wouldn't make it. It was hard. It was really good that I could get in to see my doctor at 7 weeks and we saw that sweet little peanut bouncing around! It got a lot more real and a lot more exciting! I still deal with guilt and all that jazz, but I have been feeling much better in the past weeks. We got to see our little baby again at my next appointment, which was fun because it actually looked like a baby this time. We announced to the world after that appointment! 

We went to California for Christmas and I was feeling a tiny bit better. That may have been a holiday high though, because I crashed back after and felt even sicker. Then I got a stomach bug and it was all just a really joyous time! BUT. We found out we were HAVING A BOY!!!! I cannot tell you how exciting this was. It really helped me connect even more with this little man. I can admit now that I was wanting a boy. Nathan too. I would have been great with another girl! But after 2 girls, I was really wanting a little man. I felt like it was a boy, but I thought Sadie and Madelyn were boys so I am obviously not good at guessing the sex. But when she look it down around the bum, it was VERY obvious it was a boy. I knew it about a minute before she said anything. His ding-dong was just hanging out down there, quite obviously! We are sooo excited!!!!! I ran out after the appointment and bought a bunch of boy outfits.

So that's where we are right now. We have out big 20 week ultrasound tomorrow morning and I am trying not to be nervous. The pregnancy is going really fast and slow at the same time. Mostly I am just so ready for this guy to join our family!! I started feeling lots of movement recently, and I can't wait for the really big kicks and rolls! Here are some random belly shots, because, ya know. Baby.
Watching tv with my babies

Here's to 20 more weeks!
(except I totally have less because I'll be induced early again- HAH!)

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