a soap box of sorts

This morning while driving into work, I was listening to the morning radio show I always listen to. They have a celebrity gossip time right during my commute and well.. if you know me, you know I am pathetic and enjoy that kind of crap.

One of today's stories was about my girl, Carrie Underwood. She was quoted in an interview saying that if her husband asked her to leave show business, she would do it in a heartbeat. She said she loves what she does, but being a wife is more important than her job. I was sitting there thinking, "Aww, how sweet! Someone who actually values marriage!" when the DJ went off on how this was offending to women. He launched into a huge thing about how her husband probably beats her into submission and how she is disgracing women by suggesting the idea of giving up anything for a man.

How is a woman who is committed to her marriage a disgrace to women? It sickened me. The world has such skewed visions sometimes. I can tell you that I am a very strong-willed woman. Thanks to a crappy high school boyfriend who walked all over me, I don't allow myself to be walked on anymore. Ask my poor, understanding, patient husband. He will be the first to admit who wears the pants in our marriage. I am not a weak woman who needs a man. I am a strong woman who wants a man in her life. I put the needs of my husband and my marriage and my future family above my own and above the temporal callings and desires of this world. If that makes me a disgrace to women, so be it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a working mother or wife. I don't think there is anything wrong with independent and strong women. But I feel like in today's world, some women don't want to be equal with men, they want to dominate men. We speak of equal rights for men and women which is something I advocate strongly for, but I feel like women want to be better, not equal. They want to crush men. They want to rule the country and get rid of men. That's not being a feminist to me. That's being a supremacist. If that interview was flipped and it was Carrie's husband saying he would give up his career as a professional hockey player if she asked him to, the world would say, "awww" and would regard him as a gentleman. Some would go further and say, "Yeah, he better!" Men are expected to sacrifice for women. Why can't women sacrifice for men?

I have never felt like the "weaker sex" as my gender is often called. I grew up with an amazing father who loved and cherished my mother as well and myself and my sisters. He worked hard to support us and put our needs first. He adored my mother and treated her like gold. Both of my sisters married wonderful men and you all know how I feel about the dang husband of mine. The men in my life have always made me feel like I am stronger for being a woman. Not weaker. I have never felt the need to assert myself above them to prove myself and I don't understand why some women do.

I have been seeing this so much in my church lately. Women who feel that if they don't do and have everything exactly the same as men, then they are somehow less than men and that the church is sexist. The people in my church aren't perfect, but the Gospel is. I don't doubt anything about it and I have never, ever felt degraded for being a woman in this church. In fact, I have felt elevated and respected and cherished. The men in the Gospel love and respect woman. We are always taught to work hard, receive an education, be independent and strong, and work as equal partners with our husbands. We are given leadership positions. We are given responsibilities and callings. Boys are taught at a young age in our church how to be respectful of women -how to treat them right, how to treat them equal, how to open doors for them, and how to truly love, respect, and cherish them. How is that degrading? Women and men have different responsibilities in the church. Just like they have in real life.

I have an amazing career that I love, but my husband comes first. There's just no question. My husband would never ask me to give up something I loved, but if for some reason it was affecting our marriage, it would be done with immediately. He would do the same thing for me. I am choosing to stay home with our children for a few years while they are young. This is completely a personal choice and I admire greatly the women who work while raising young kids. My mother did it. It doesn't make you less of a mother to work. Just like it doesn't make me less of a woman to not work. I have gotten far too many judgmental comments about my decision to stay home with my children while they are little.

I don't see anything wrong with being feminine and girly and wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't see anything wrong with being soft and kind and sacrificing. I think those are beautiful ways to define women. Some may call me old-fashioned and I definitely am in many ways. I am incredibly glad that women have come such a long way from the way things used to be. My husband helps with all the cooking and cleaning and will be a very hands on father. I don't "belong in the kitchen." I don't feel suppressed in my feelings and beliefs and opinions. I don't feel like I submit to my overbearing and money-making husband. But I also enjoy having a meal for him to come home to and a clean apartment. I enjoy helping take care of him just like he enjoys taking care of me. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. It makes me feel more of a woman. We are complete equals in our love and in our relationship. He takes on certain roles and I take on certain roles. Some are stereotypical "gender roles" and some are not. We do what works for us. But we love each other and respect each other.

I am glad we have moved towards equal rights for men and women, but I am not happy about the way some women have now become. I don't want to be seen as a "disgrace" because I put my husband as a priority in my life. I don't like the way motherhood is being frowned upon. I got an education and worked and paid my own bills and none of that made me feel like I deserved to somehow be above men. I love having a partner and someone to share my life with. I love having someone to support and take care of and being taken care of in return. I can't wait to have babies and raise them and teach them and learn so much from them. Family is so important. To me, it's worth anything. Even being called a disgrace.