2013

The idea of "New Year's" has a whole new idea for me this year. I have never wanted a year to be over so badly. Not that my trials will end in 2014, but I feel more prepared for them. 2013 was full of tears and tragedy and heart-wrenching moments. I am ready to get as far away from it as possible.

I had an amazing New Year's. I'll write more about it when I blog about my vacation. But my heart was full as I watched fireworks with the man I love more than anything in the world and he held me close and whispered, "in 2014, you're going to be alright." It sounds so simple and maybe silly, but for me, "alright" is something I haven't seen a lot of since April 13th. "Alright" sounds amazing. 

I'm so thankful for him. The way he always knows what to say and the selfless way he loves me. He's had a somewhat absent-minded wife these past few months, but he has never faltered. He has been so steady and so kind. In 2014, I want to return the favor.

In 2014 I want to turn all my problems to The Lord and let him take the reigns. It's been so hard for me to relinquish control and let go of the plans I had made for my life, but it's something I know I need to do. In 2014, I'd love to get pregnant, but I'd also love to learn to accept the fact that it's not really in my control, and that's okay.

In 2014 I want to let myself be sad and vulnerable in front of others and not feel guilty and weak. I also want to be stronger in the moments that matter. I want to laugh more. I want to go on more adventures and play more games. I want to "social media" less and visit friends more.

More than anything in 2014, I don't want the pain I suffered in 2013 to be in vain. I want to take the lessons I learned and the person I became to make 2014 an amazing year.