2 years

Today is our 2-year anniversary.

Two years seems so silly, because I have loved Nathan since I was 18, and I feel like we have been married for a billion years.

Not in a bad way, just in a "I seriously can't believe we were ever not married" kind of way.

I feel like I brag about my husband a lot, and I don't want to be annoying.

I also don't want to be one of those women who paints the picture that her marriage is absolutely perfect and we never have fights we are are always 100% happy.

No marriage is like that.

And I feel like the great illusion social media is painting is making people feel like they are lacking if they don't have that.

I hate that.

But it is my anniversary, and Nathan is the best thing in my entire life. So I will talk a little bit about what we have learned in these two years, and why I think we are still as happy today as we were as a giddy teenage couple in 2007.

Nathan and I were talking the other night about the past two years and what we think works for us. We finally decided that what helps us the most is that we both think we are really lucky. Always. We both think we got the better end of the deal in marrying each other. When I am going crazy and being an anxious mess and Nathan just calmly does whatever I ask, I cannot believe he married me. I feel so lucky. He says he feels the same way when he comes home from a long day of work and school and the house is clean and dinner is made and I sit down with him and let him vent about his day. Or when I sit through Lord of The Rings Marathons. We both feel so lucky to be with each other. So we work hard to make sure the other person feels that. After 7 years, I still can't believe he chose me.

Marriage is such an interesting thing. It breaks my heart to see so many of my own friends' marriages ending. Some happen because one side stopped trying. But some happen simply because they both stopped choosing each other. I think that's the biggest secret to a successful marriage. There was a time when you chose to marriage that person, but it doesn't end there. You have to keep choosing them. Each and every day, not only when it's easy. You have to choose them when they are being annoying. You have to choose them when you're grumpy. You have to choose them when times are hard. The second you stop choosing them, other things start to sound like choices. For me, there aren't any other choices. Nathan is my choice, every single morning. When I was a gutted mess after losing Madelyn and suffering from depression and anxiety, Nathan chose me every moment. Without question. I was not an easy person to live with, let alone be married to. I cried all the time. I didn't want to go out. I didn't cook him dinner. I let the dishes pile up. I didn't laugh and tell jokes. It would have been very easy for Nathan to stop choosing me; but he didn't. Not for a second. And he never made me feel like a burden. I think those are the real moments of true love. It's not a beautiful, perfect, movie-version, Facebook-worthy moment. It's when life is messy and sad and hard. That's when love is really shown. It's very easy to love someone when things are going well. But if you can love through the hard times; that's real love.

Our first year of marriage was a freaking breeze. We had a small adjustment phase, but really, life and marriage was very easy. This second year, to put it lightly, was hellish. Just 4 days into our second year of marriage, we lost our first child. Not the best way to start out. It's been an uphill climb since then, but I wouldn't trade this year. I wouldn't ever erase it. It strengthened our love. It strengthened our faith. It brought us closer to each other in a way I couldn't imagine. When you hit rock bottom with someone by your side, the journey back out is much different than when you're alone. You don't come out the same person, and your relationship doesn't come out the same either. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn how to love my husband on a whole new level.

I look back on these wedding pictures with so much happiness. We had so much joy and excitement that day. We had waited for 5 years for that moment. We were surrounded by those we loved who had waited along side us. We had so much hope in our future. We had no idea the extreme highs and extreme lows that would be heading our way. I think about that now as we take pictures. I know I will look back on those pictures one day and think about how those people had no idea what was coming for them. I know that we have plenty of hard times coming our way, but I know there is much more joy and happiness ahead. Because I freaking love this guy. More than I could possibly explain in a blog post. I am the luckiest woman in the world, and I can't wait to keep choosing him for the rest of eternity.