a letter to my students

Dear students past and present,

I am winding down my last few days of teaching. At least for a while. I can't comprehend that. These past 3 years have been the most trying, growing, and amazing years of my life. I have you guys to thank for much of that.

My first year kiddies, you will always be special to me because you were my first. I didn't know what I was doing, but you didn't mind. I quickly learned that what you really wanted was to be loved. And love you I did. I can remember the first time I took a sick day, and I missed you all terribly. The last 4 months of Nathan's mission were incredibly hard, and I am not sure I could have survived without you guys. You kept me laughing and kept me busy. Ohhh so busy. You were my year of behavior problems. I was often escorting some of you from class to class. Or harboring you in my classroom all day because you forgot your ADHD medicine and couldn't control yourself. You taught me love. You taught me what it truly meant to be a teacher. It's not about test scores, especially in resource. It's about progress. It's about love. It's about respect. It's about helping someone. You taught me just as much as I taught you. I will always be grateful that I had the worst behavior problems during my first year of teaching. Trial by fire, I say :) You taught me behavior management in a way that can only be learned by being thrown into the lion's den. But I just loved you guys to freaking pieces. It means so much when you come back to visit me. And it's fun to accept your Facebook requests, even though I put you on my restricted list :) I have loved watching you grow up. I will always love you guys. You were my only kids to know me as "Ms. Graff" and it's for that reason I had a hard time letting it go. It's weird to hear Graff now, unless it comes from you guys. You're the only ones who get the privilege of calling me that. It's special coming from your mouths.

My twinsies.

Proof that 90% of my students were boys. Only 1 girl in this particular class. She looks mean but I swear she's the sweetest.

The 3 main sources of my stress.. :)

3 of my 6 female students that year. They kept me sane :)

My second year was an interesting start. I didn't connect with you guys so instantly the way I had with my first year. It was strange. And I was frustrated. But as the months passed, I realized I was falling in love with you. You taught me that the problem wasn't really with you, but it was with me. It was humbling to realize that maybe my attitude needed to change. As soon as it did, you guys came flooding into my heart and never left. You counted down the weeks with me until Madelyn was born, and your hearts broke with mine when it all unexpectedly ended. I was so touched by how affected you were. The way you guys loved me and cared for me is something that makes me emotional to this day. I hate that you guys had to experience loss and sadness, but the bond it brought to us is something not too many teachers and students get to experience together. You guys gave me a purpose again. I dreaded returning to work. Every teacher I talked to just made me cry. But you guys made me laugh. Somehow, you knew just what I needed. I needed you guys. Thank you for being my babies while I was so desperately missing my own. You'll never understand what that meant to me.

Easily one of my favorite cards I got from my students. This boy was and is one of my biggest behavior problems. But he has a heart of gold. Translation with correct spelling/grammar: "I want to tell you that I am sorry for what happened. And if you got my first letter the JK part was supposed to make you laugh. And you are the best teacher ever. Your baby loves you for trying to bring her here to this world. She would be happy to see your face. You are a good mom for that baby and she loves you."

2 girls in my 5th period class this year

He promised to take me to the Grammy's when he's a professional rapper

Year three, I got to teach the same group as last year again! I was happy to see how excited you all were. I knew when the chance came to change grades, it was something I needed to do. I am so glad I did it. I wasn't done teaching you guys yet, and you weren't done teaching me. This was a big year of ups and downs for me. You guys didn't know, but I spent September-November in a very dark, depressed place. I would cry all morning, teach you, cry during lunch, teach you some more, then cry all night. Though it sounds bleak, you guys were often one of the few sources of light. Sometimes it was hard to force a smile, but having you guys gave me a reason to force it. A reason to be happy. A purpose. I know that I would have had a much harder time teaching a brand new group of kids. I am so glad I got to have you guys again. I am so glad I got to watch you grow over the course of two years. It amazes me the young men and women you have turned into. I am proud of each and every one of you. It's hard for me to think about not being your teacher anymore. I won't lie, I have cried a few times over it. But you know this. You guys know how much I love you. I tell you all the time and you laugh. But I know you love me too. This last year and a half has been hard. But I couldn't have done it without you.

THREE girls in my 5th period this year!

Person who did wall sits the longest got to go to lunch early..

How many 9th graders does it take to tie a tie..

Basically, I love you guys. You guys taught me how to love. You gave me the first glimpses of what it might be like to be a mother. You make me want to be a mother. I am so proud of you guys. All of you. I think about you all often and pray that life will treat you well. It's scary to send you guys off. I think about my first year kids and how you guys will be juniors this year. Then you're gonna graduate! I can't wait to go and watch that happen. Living life as a "resource" kids puts a mark on you. But you guys have never let that define you. It means so much to watch you all turn into little adults and good people. I hope you are successful and happy and whole. I hope as you move forward in life, you keep learning and growing and loving. And I hope someone always loves you back now that I won't be with you every day, showing you how loved you are. I think that's my biggest hope for you all in life-

That there will always be someone there to love you.

Love always,
        Ms. Graff, Ms. G, Mrs. Merkley, Mrs. Merkels