why me?

I read the most incredible post the other day over at the lewis note blog. After I lost Madelyn, I searched and followed several blogs of women who had lost their own children. It was comforting to hear that I am not alone. The woman at the lewis note has recurrent pregnancy lost and just recently had her 4th miscarriage with no answers. I have found a lot of strength from her blog, and this most recent post has inspired my own. It follows my exact train of thought these past few weeks as I have started to completely move on from my depression and begin to feel like myself again.

During the past year, I have a had a lot of "why me" moments. Way more than I would like to admit. Even after I got pregnant again, I struggled. I still struggle sometimes. I often get stuck in my mind and my own negative thoughts.

Women all over the world drink and smoke their whole pregnancies and give birth to healthy babies. I did everything right and mine died. Why me?

My coworker got pregnant when she wasn't even trying. I tired relentlessly for almost a year. Why me?

My friends are celebrating their baby's first birthdays this April. I had to send balloons to Heaven. Why me?

Some friends live in beautiful homes with big, open yards. We are stuck in a one-bedroom apartment on the third floor that smells like smoke. Why me?

Some people meet their husband and are married a few months later. I had to wait 5 years to marry my husband. Why me?

Some women can eat whatever they want. I have to constantly watch my weight. Why me?

Some people live their lives free of anxiety. I battle paranoia and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Why me?

Some parents neglect and abuse their children. I would have loved my Madelyn more than anything. Why me?

Those are just a few examples. I'm telling ya, I threw quite a few pity parties over the past year. When I sit and think about all the things others have that I don't, it can get overwhelming and depressing. I spent many months doing just that. Just recently I have started coming out of this funk, thanks to the help of prayer, family, my husband, and this little lady growing inside me. I have started focusing on the tings I do have that others might have to live without. "Why me" has begun to take on a whole new meaning.

Some women suffer for years with infertility. I got pregnant after trying for 9 months. Why me?

Some women want more than anything to be married to a good man. I met my wonderful husband when I was 18. Why me?

Some women can never have kids. I gave birth to a beautiful angel last April. Why me?

Some people are desperately searching for jobs and steady income. My husband and I both have great jobs. Why me?

Some people are homeless and hungry. I have a great apartment in a great area and plenty to eat. Why me?

Families have been ripped apart by divorce and abuse. My parents are still in love and still taking care of their children. Why me?

Some people wonder the earth so confused as to who they are and where they came from. I have the knowledge and testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Why me?

Some people are battling disease and death. My body is strong and healthy. Why me?

Some women are suppressed and enslaved. I live in a wonderful area of the greatest and most free country in the world. Why me?

Some people's marriages are falling apart. I am married to the kindest and most wonderful man.Why me?

Some people are being fired from their jobs. I got two new job offers and an offer of promotion at my current job. Why me?

I am surrounded my wonderful and supportive friends and family. Some people are lost and alone. Why me?

My list could go on and on forever. It's amazing how quickly you realize the many blessings you have as soon as you start counting. I hope today you will flip your "why me" pity party around and start realizing all that you have, instead of focusing on what you don't. I know it has really changed my life.