surviving the scary weeks

My whole pregnancy, I thought the 34th week would be the scariest.

It was at 34 weeks that we found out that Madelyn had died and then delivered her.

But the past couple months, as I have met with high risk specialists and other doctors, I have learned a bit about my first pregnancy that I didn't know before. (I never had an official consultation after her death since they couldn't find a reason for her passing).

Madelyn was small for 34 weeks. Very small. In fact, they think she stopped growing the 32nd week, and died toward the end of the 33rd week. I hit 34 weeks the day before we found out she had died. So I just always tied 34 weeks to her death, but it turns out the problems that caused that 34 week delivery actually happened before that.

So weeks 32 and 33 then became my scary weeks.

I had an ultrasound and a non-stress test during the 32nd week. Could not have been better timing! The doctor told me she was perfectly healthy and even measuring ahead. She passed her non stress test with flying colors and I scheduled one to come back every single week until I deliver.

I hit 33 weeks and had a regular doctor appointment and another non-stress test that week. Both went perfectly.

And today I hit 34 weeks, 4 days. I survived the scary weeks. 34 weeks still puts a little fear in my heart just because it's the number I always associate with Maddie's death, but I had a non stress test today, and have a doctor appointment on Thursday. So I should be sufficiently reassured :)

I am so thankful for the extra monitoring I have gotten this pregnancy. It has put my mind at ease so much and brought so much peace. I work with the best doctors and nurses. I really think every pregnant woman should get this much monitoring to be honest. It's the best.

I delivered Maddie on 34 weeks, 3 days. So I am officially past the date, and the most pregnant I have ever been. It's crazy. It's a relief, but still scary. Nathan and I always used to talk about how it sucked that we had to do the whole pregnancy thing over again. We just wanted to jump to 34 weeks. And now we're here!

A little update on this lady:
+ I say it over and over, but she moves like a maniac. She is way bigger than Madelyn ever was, so it's crazy to experience for the first time. She goes for long periods of time too. There was one night where she going so crazy that Nathan could feel her movements just from laying on the same bed as me. She went on for so long I had to get up and jog around the apartment because the jogging puts her to sleep. She's a little nut job. And I love it.
+ What I do not love is that she is freaking BREECH. Even better? She flipped head-down on Friday. I had feet in my ribs. It was awesome. But don't worry. She flipped back to breech on Monday. Stubborn lady. My doctor gave me all kinds of exercises to do to get her to flip. I have been doing them religiously. A c-section scares me. I know that no matter how she comes into the world, as long as she's safe I don't care. But guys, I am a pain WUSS. And I need to pack, clean, and move in the weeks after this girl is born. Not gonna be possible after major surgery! So pray that all these awesome exercises work.

I cannot tell you how uncomfortable this is.

Lady thought I was weird. 

I am supposed to do this for 30 seconds, 3 times a day. I can only last 10 seconds. Being upside down and pregnant is awful.

Here my hips are elevated on a bunch of pillows, I have ice on the top of my uterus, heat and light at the bottom. We also play music at the bottom. This exercise always makes her go transverse. If only she would turn a little more!!!!!

I also go swimming a lot, which is funny. I am supposed to do handstands and squat at the bottom of the pool and blast off to the surface. It's embarrassing. But I will do anything to get this baby to flip. I also crawl around on all fours and do some interesting hip moves. But you don't get to see pictures of that.
+ She's measuring just a little ahead which we love. They will induce me (or schedule my c-section, ek!) at 39 weeks, so I want her to be a bit ahead. 

+ Like I said, I've been having weekly non-stress tests. I like these. They are so quick; only 20 minutes as long as she's active which we know isn't a problem. I like the nurses who work with me. I LOVE just sitting and listening to her heart beat for 20 straight minutes. I also reaaaaally love that they do a quick ultrasound every time. They measure her fluid and make sure everything is okay. And they always show me cute angles of her. It's awesome.

My view. The chair is so comfy. Just relaxing and listening to my lady's heart.

This little screen measures contractions and heart rate. Heart rate is red, contractions are blue. I was hooked up to this while in labor with Madelyn and I remember how depressing it was to see no red line. That top part was just blank as my contractions got bigger and bigger. I remember wishing the computer would just suddenly pick up a heart beat. It's pretty wonderful to see that red line so steady and strong now. (Ps. It looks like I had a big contraction at the beginning of the test, don't worry, that was mistake haha).

+ Morning sickness kinda came back for a while. It's mostly gone now, but in its place is just a weird appetite. I am still always hungry, but NOTHING ever sounds good! Not even my usual things like cereal and grapes. Everything just sounds gross. (Except peanut butter. I think I have eaten 12 jars of peanut butter this pregnancy). It makes for interesting meals. I will cook my husband a nice dinner, and then I'll eat things like this:

+ One day a week ago I had reaaaallly bad morning sickness. Like barf and stuff. I was in bed all day. Nathan asked what he could bring me that would make me feel better and instantly I knew what I wanted. And it made me feel better!

Caffeine free diet coke and a chocolate milkshake. IT SERIOUSLY WORKED.

+ I am still pretty comfortable and thanking my lucky starts for that. The most I can complain of is how it gets hard to breathe when I sit for too long. I have mild hip soreness, but I stretch twice a day and it's really not bad at all! It kept me up at night with Madelyn. I don't notice it now.
+ No swelling besides my hands when it gets hot. I am really glad my feet and ankles don't swell much. I might be taking these words back later, but there hasn't been even a little bit of swelling the entire pregnancy. No stretch marks either. Knock on wood.
+ Despite no stretch marks, I have definitely gained weight, haha. I won't even tell you how much, just know I am within the "normal" limits, but definitely toward the high-normal than the low-normal. Oh the joys of being fat!
+ We got to see the progress on our awesome basement apartment. It's going up fast and we are excited! We took a picture of the little lady and I in her new room.

+ She still gets hiccups all the time. Now that she's so big, sometimes they shake my entire stomach.

+ She still doesn't have a name, haha. And people just need to stop asking!

+ The closer we get, the more we have started to "train" Lady. Basically, we stopped spoiling her so much. That sounds mean, but you probably don't know my cat. She wants to be held all the time. Picked up, and held. And she will yell at you until you do it. She wakes us up a lot at night. She demands treats and demands to eat everything we eat. She lays down and stretches out and meows and meows until you rub her belly. She needed some training. She is adjusting to some things, but does NOT like the not picking her up thing. She climbs up me and everything. It's awesome.

+That was a Lady update, not a baby update. I think that means I have updated all I can!

34 weeks, 4 days!