Things my students say

past entries here 


CW: Will you kick me in the head?
Me: No.
CW: Come on! I won't get hurt! My head is made of skull!

CE: I forget, is Halloween on the thirty-oneth of October?

When someone farted
Me: Get over it guys, everyone farts.
MD: Yes but the problem is.. each one stinks differently.

KO: I wish I had epilepsy. That would be awesome.
Me: How would that be awesome?
KO: I could just fall asleep all the time!
Me: ..Do you mean narcolepsy?
KO: YEAH! That! I could sleep in class and you couldn't do anything about it.

ZG: My farts don't stink.
Me: Oh really?
ZG: Well.. they smell like potatoes. Just kidding, it's more like.. raw popcorn.
Me: What is raw popcorn?
ZG: Like gross, old popcorn. Or popcorn that hasn't been popped yet. But it's more like paper. Like weird paper. The paper in an old book or something.

Me: We breathe in oxygen but we breathe out carbon dioxide.
TE: I wish we could breathe out helium. Then we could fill our own balloons.

CE: Is your baby a boy or a girl?
Me: I don't know yet.
CE: Um.. how do you not know?
Me: The baby is too small to tell right now.
CE: Too small? What do you mean? How small is it?
Me: Well it's actually the size of a plum right now.
CE: Hahahahahaha that's not even possible! Babies can't be that small. They would die.
Me: Well it actually used to be a lot smaller. When I first got pregnant, it was the size of a poppy seed.
CE: .. are you serious?
Me: Yes..
CE: So the baby is like, growing? When you get pregnant it's not just already a normal baby?
Me: No it has to grow. That's why women's stomachs grow as they are pregnant; because the baby is growing.
CE: Wow, that makes so much more sense than what I was thinking.

Me: What kind of chemical reaction happens in cows when they eat grass?
RB: Milk.

Me: What happened to your finger?
KO: It got shot. In Vietnam.

KO: I just remember the last time I was here we hid under the desks.
Me: .. what?
KO: Like.. not yesterday but I think Tuesday..
Me: Yesterday was Tuesday.
KO: Okay so not Tuesday but.. but we were hiding under Mrs. Anderson's desk.. and.. I am just really confused right now.
Me: Me too.

ZG: I bet you're going to have a girl.
Me: Why?
ZG: Because you are a girl. And girls always have girl babies.
Me: Well then who has boy babies?
ZG: Um.. woah. Wait.. yeah never mind.

I've got a future little artist. He painted this picture of Taylor Swift in his art class and asked if I would hang it on my wall. He was super proud.

Happy nightmares.